Aloha Hash House Harriers # 1702
World Peace Through Beer
Hares: Wet and Dirty, Hit Dat Spit White Boy, Just Amy, Just Jesse
So there I was…
The World Peace Through Beer festivities kicked off as we began arriving and catching up while we waited for Chalk Talk to begin. Double Dipped Tip dispersed our festive WPTB tee shirts and also had lots of swag to snag. Soon it was time for Chalk Talk and we took a group photo and reviewed trail marks. 4 Bros and a Ho was joining us for the last time before heading back to the Mainland, so PI presented him with a proper ass-spanking and engraved ON-ON foot. He wasn’t able to join us for trail, so we sent him off with a rousing rendition of Piss Off and a massive group hug.
Since we were Amber Alert adjacent and had just celebrated the 248th birthday of the US Navy, Hash Flash led us in an imaginative seafaring rendition of My Name is Joe (And I Work in a Button Factory). Then, we were off to travel the world and drink some beer. After a lengthy pavement-filled journey, we arrived at our first destination (beer check) at the trailhead in Mexico, and enjoyed super chilled cervezas and festive décor. “¡Olé!”
Several intrepid hashers left Mexico and briefly encountered 4 teens in the woods rolling joints. One muttered, “I told you this wasn’t private enough” as they desperately attempted to pass their massive stash off as a baby named LeBron. They needn’t have worried, because these hashers had Japan in their sights, where Just Amy provided Kirins that were quickly guzzled with delight. Kanpai!
After a quick layover in Japan, they made their way to Just Jesse’s hostel in Europe and enjoyed Guiness before realizing they needed to strategize. Now, Europe is like the size of the Eastwood Mall, so you can easily walk to Berlin from many locations. However, “England” is an island so Kitty proclaimed “OK, swim, whatever. We’ll take it.” Swim he did, but found Berlin lacking and came right back to the hostel. Like a good Kitty, he made his way home.
Then, the Eagles made their way back to North America. At some point before arriving in Canada, Area 69 took a fall in the mud. He didn’t stay for Circle, so we weren’t able to properly ridicule or administer a Down-Down for his infraction.
Still in Mexico, the Turkeys glanced at the steep trek to Japan below and decided to just stay and enjoy the frosty cervesas. Let me tell you, we had no ragerts. Not even a single letter. As wise hasher Mr. Miyagi said long ago, “Not Matter Who’s Stronger. Matter Who’s Smarter!”
Those of us who hopped on the North American express to Canada passed the time by regaling fellow travelers with tasteful songs about a lady and a moose. Oh, Canada. Strangely, there were a few who didn’t enjoy their trip to the Great White North. Of course, manning a beer check (and haring) sometimes feels like you’re a lowly clerk at the Eh-2-Zed, where every hoser has both an opinion and a cute cat named Annoying Customer. Wet and Dirty must have thought, “I’m not even supposed to be here today”, but instead responded with a cheerful, “Sury aboot that!” Wunderbar recovery, eh!
Now, the trail to Canada was lengthy and we were losing the light, so we ended up taking the Autohash Express back to On-Start. Like some of the trains in Europe with knee-clutching weirdos, (Oh, mi scusi. Mi scusi!) we climbed into the back of Crazy Whorez’ truck and held on for dear life.
Along the way, we passed a tense footrace between Area 69 and Major Fuckup, who stayed neck and neck as we cheered them on and sped away. After several trips to collect the wayward hashers, we commenced Circle beneath the pitch-black canopy of the only non-working light around. Not to fear, Major Fuckup came to the rescue and provided light with the Hashit!
Down-Downs were administered for those of us who took the North American Express, which we proudly accepted. Kitty imbibed for taking the impromptu swim to Berlin. Major Fuckup reminded ThunderDrunk that she hadn’t followed script to talk about re-awarding the Hashit, so the pack promptly awarded it to her. (Congrats?) The hares were honored for their unique trail with diverse beverages.
Then it was time to get down to business. Just Jesse was ceremoniously called into Circle. After 9 trails (and 2 hares) it was finally time to bestow upon him a proper name. After much deliberation and multiple suggestions, Just Jesse will henceforth be known as Diddy Kong Micro Dong. (This scrivener has been informed that the shorthand version will be Diddy Kong M.D.) Huzzah!
Then Circle was closed and we dispersed to travel back to Mexico for On-Afters. We had the place almost entirely to ourselves, with only a handful of others at the bar. Our server kept the chips and salsa flowing and managed to provide separate checks for all who asked for them. We were able to order entrees and everything was tasty and arrived quickly. All in all, we were quite satisfied with our choice.
Although there were one or two laughable moments, we thoroughly enjoyed our passport-free journey around the world. Mexico, Japan, “Europe” and Canada boasted picturesque sights and quite a respectable beverage selection. There were no lost hashers and the beers were frosty and plentiful. There were glorious songs and handsy travel mates. Gracias, merci, danke schön and arigato, hares!
-Your globe-trotting auteure
Geck Ho (Gex)