Aloha Hash House Harriers # 1704
The Holloween Bar Crawl Hash!
Hares: OceanGate Titan, Hippie, Toon Squad (Titless, ThunderDrunk, Just Amy)
So, there I was…
After a very long night of pre-gaming at the Halloween Hare-Raising Party, all we wanted was to sleep in and try to make the sun just go back to bed. (“Oh, look, another glorious morning. Makes me sick!”) It wasn’t long before we remembered that trail was going to be a full 2 hours earlier than normal, so after a few moments of procrastination, we begrudgingly got moving. After much rallying and even more caffeine, Fat Thor and I pulled ourselves together and made our way to Waikiki.
We met up with the pack at a dive bar for the pre-game shenanigans and enjoyed cheap brews with a couple virgins who were whispering something about a black-flamed candle. We appreciated the tasteful hula dancer decor inside and took a few minutes to check out everyone’s apparel.
Some were fairly obvious (witches, super heroes, a cat) but a few were a little tougher to decipher. After a brief debate over what Sack Attack was supposed to be, Fat Thor proclaimed, “For your information, he’s a Little Leaguer!” That settled, we grabbed the virgins and relocated the pack to the park across the street for Chalk Talk and Trick or Treating.
The hares had prepared a special treat for us and had us each grab a Jell-O shot from the bag. As we happily slurped our boozy treat, Titless told us that there were 3 shots in the bag that had a sticker on the bottom and to keep grabbing shots until they had all been found. Sexy Mothman (Wet and Dirty), Black Cat (Overachiever… That you, Binx?) and Little Leaguer (Sack Attack) were the lucky teases! Then, Titless announced that each hare was wearing a pair of remote-control underwear and that they were randomly paired with a tease who would get to control the vibrations with an app. With a devious look, they taunted the hares with, “I put a spell on you! And now you’re mine!” Hell yeah, they were.
After a brief Chalk Talk, the hares declared, “Come! We fly!” and took off to go make mischief. Our resident Robot, Hash Flash, took a shot of us in our ensembles and we did our best to down all the Jell-O shots. Then, it was time to let the pack run amok!
The first boozy spot was a shot check on the jetty. As we filed by, several tourists catcalled with, “Bubble Bubble, I’m in trouble!” so we strutted like it was 1993 and paraded on. I mean, if ya got it, then haunt it, right?
The next stop featured fabulous art, cheap brews and a bathroom key involving 2 dudes, 2 girls and 1 cup. While sipping our beverages, we noticed the hares gathered together nearby, so our teases wondered aloud which hare they were controlling. The hares must have overheard and responded with a coy, “Well, I don’t know. Cat’s got my tongue.” As punishment, the pack took turns drawing the alphabet to see if any of them squirmed.
Then, we took off to the next location. Suddenly, we lost track of trail when the chalk marks disappeared. After a few moments, we spotted a piece of paper on the ground with an arrow on it, held down by rocks. Unsure if it was for us or not, we continued on and found more and more just like it. Finally, we spotted the pack and made our way into the bar.
Although known for their desserts, they certainly took their sweet time assembling the drink orders. Bored and looking for trouble, Sexy Mothman and I spotted a lock and chain at the bar, proclaimed, “Behold, a torture chamber!” and happily strapped in. At least there were amusing distractions while we waited to quench our thirst.
When he finally returned with the elusive beer, the bartender said, “Aren’t you broads a little old to be Trick or Treating?” I told to eat my hammer and he immediately backed off.
Then we set out and found the next drinkery, where service and beverages were a step up from the place before. Of course, there were more stops to make and beers to down, so on we went.
According to the hares, the next spot had nothing but good vibes! We’d have to take their word for it, but judging by their smiles, I’d say they were indeed satisfied.
Along the way, there was an old abandoned bar we passed by, but it seems they shut it down because a lot of spooky things happened there. We thought about hanging around in case Jimi Hendrix showed up, but knew we needed to get to the final location to conduct Circle.
Finally, we wound up at one of the spots we’d hit earlier, where the vibe was relaxed and the bartenders were happy to look the other way. There was pizza to enjoy, drink tokens to cash in, and then it was time to get started.
Circle commenced and the hares asked each tease who they thought they were controlling. Despite some quite convincing guesses, no one actually had who they thought.
It turns out that our Little Leaguer used hocus-pocus on Titan, Binx bewitched Toon Squad and Sexy Mothman had our Hippie in thrall. With a flick of their wrist, um finger, they put a spell on them, alright!
Next was the costume contest, where Just Amy, Peewee Herman, Fat Thor and Mighty Thor reigned supreme with those sexy sashes.
At last, it was time to get down to business and bestow a name upon Just Amy. After a short, but unbelievably satisfying discussion including potential names like Energizer Bunny and Tasty Pasties, it was decided that Just Amy will henceforth be known as Fee Fi Fo Fuck! Then, festivities came to a close and the pack dispersed to go validate their parking passes and stumble home.
Hashy Halloween!
-Mighty Thor. (Secondly if you can’t say Mighty Thor, I will accept DOCTOR JANE FOSTER. And thirdly, EAT MY HAMMER!)