Aloha Hash Harriers #1710
12 Down Downs of Hashmas
Hares: All You Need is Head, Yukon Yak, Mammwich and Manshatten Project
So, there I was…
As we arrived in the vicinity of On-Start, we passed by several fabulous holiday yard decorations. Just a few blocks away, we saw a rather impressive Santa hat-wearing inflatable cock. Seriously, he really had something to crow about! Sensing he was a grow-er and nor a show-er, we snapped a quick photo and made our way to the parking lot. We met up with the other wanks who were gathered and quickly grabbed our Vessels to prepare for the first Down Down. Our Hares provided us with a brief Chalk Talk and copies of the song that we’d be singing at each Down Down. Here it is in all its glory:
On the first day of Hashmas, my mistress gave to me
A hand job that wasn’t worth a fuck WHAT THE FUCK?
2 Shithouse doors
3 Running sores
4 French whores
5 Gold cock rings
6 Sacks of shit
7 Sucking sisters
8 Masturbators
9 Sixty-niners
10 Tons of titties
11 Licking lesbians
12 Twats a twitch’n
Then Hash Flash snapped a quick group photo before departing to set Trail. We waited for several minutes before taking off after them to find the next Down Down. This wasn’t the average Hash, so it wasn’t long before we found it. Instead, it consisted of 12 Down Downs at different Beverage Checks over a 6-mile course. At each Check, a new verse of the 12 Down Downs of Hashmas was sung. The first and last were at On-Start, and consisted of boozy shots or beers at the other locations. We got to imbibe tasty drinks like Jell-o shots, Green Grinch juice, and shots flavored with Cinnamon Toast Crunch Fireball, Eggnog Fireball, or Cranberry.
There were 3 stops at Hasher’s houses and also a couple on the beach. We also popped into a tavern as well as a favorite spot for a quick draft and snack. There were fun decorations along the way, including a Christmas-themed bar at someone’s home and cheeky yard signs and displays. Fill ‘er up? Yes, please! Several Hashers were even delighted to discover an impromptu 69 on Trail! We must have been a sight as we paraded all over Kailua in our most festive holiday attire. There were lots of Santa hats, elf attire, festive tees and plenty of Ho’s in the house. There were quite a few compliments and several potential Virgins wished us a Merry Christmas.
Finally, we made our way On-Home, where Circle was opened and Misman introduced. (Well, most of us anyhow.) The 12th Down Down was then consumed and our song sang in full for the first time. I’m not sure about anyone else, but the only lines that I had memorized were “5 Gold cock rings” and the one about the hand job.
Double Dipped Tip was then called up to the Circle. She had brought 2 eager Virgins to the Hash and when asked to introduce themselves, they quite impressively used proper Hash etiquette and terminology. She had meticulously prepared them on the drive over and for the most part, they adhered to her rather detailed instructions. One even dressed as Krampus, so you know this natural born Hasher understood the assignment. There were also 2 Visitors from Big Island in town for the Honolulu Marathon.
Then it was time to render honors! Burning was honored with a Super Hare patch. We celebrated Mamm’s birthday with a rousing Hashy Birthday and then Diddy Kong MD got streamered with icy speedbumps for 15 Hashes! Nocturnal deviated from Trail to grab a memory card so we could have physical proof of our antics for all eternity, and was thusly honored for his sacrifice and commitment to his craft.
Diddy was then accused of asking too many questions about the Hashit and subsequently awarded the honored prize. I think he forgot the first rule about Hashit- we don’t talk about Hashit. I can’t wait to see what glorious addition he includes this week.
After this, it was Accusation time! A few of us who didn’t complete the entire trail were given a Down Down. Darby, MonoRail Me and Party Foul showed up late and had trouble finding trail. Then, they took off after only 3 Down Downs, so they weren’t there to drink with their shortcutting friends.
Hello Shaved Kitty used Nerd names and also forgot to announce Wet & Dirty (again) when Misman was introduced at Circle and was thusly punished.
There were also several times when it was difficult to hear what was being accused or announced because a few full-throated Hashers weren’t able to control their volume. It became problematic when the noise continued, despite repeated warnings. Seriously, friends, tighten your oral sphincter during Circle.
Shortly after we were finally able to make it through Announcements, the On-Afters location was announced and Circle closed. It was getting late and the park was quite dark by them, so everyone began to head out.
Nasty Gash and I departed for the On-Afters and immediately secured a 12-top. The server quickly placed waters at each seat, but it soon became clear that no one else would be joining us. Of course, it had been a long day and many of us were going to be volunteering or running the Marathon early the next morning, but we closed our tab as quickly as possible to free up the space for someone else. We apologized profusely and did the walk of shame as they undoubtedly cursed our stupidity.
Despite this, we didn’t let it spoil the evening. It was a fabulous day and there were so many memorable things that occurred. Of course, our hares provided a glorious version of 12 Days of Hashmas, but I’ve created a version to sum up the day’s events. Enjoy!
On the First Day of Hashmas, our Hares gave to me
And a large inflatable cock
2 Eager Virgins
3 Muzzles needed
4 Down Down Hares
5 SHUT YOUR TRAPS!
6 Miles walked
7 Nerd names used
8 Interruptions
9 69’s
10 Empty seats
11 Hashit questions
12 Boozy Checks
-Santa’s Favorite Geck- Ho Ho Ho