Aloha Hash House Harriers #1715
The Early Start Hash
MACA, Laa-Laa, Trail Taco & Sack
So, there I was…
The Hares had promised a Trail like no Hasher had seen before. In fact, neither the infamous Dr. Teenee Weenee, nor the the legendary Chester Copperpot had ever made it that far. We couldn’t wait!
They had teased us with a long, hard, wet Trail and needed an early start to finish on time. They also said to bring a snack, so we made sure to pack a few Baby Ruth’s in our Hash bags. I mean, I wouldn’t want to get hungry. I know when my stomach growls, there’s trouble.
We gathered at the base of the Trailhead and waited for a while before a mad scramble to find chalk. Luckily, a piece materialized and Chalk Talk was drawn so we could begin. Sack told us that it was one Trail to rule them all Trail, marked with flour, chalk and orange bio tape. Everyone was also reminded to bring a fleshlight and that we would get very wet. Hash Flash snapped a quick group photo and then Sack blew the Turkeys off and held the Eagles back to try to keep the pack together.
We began through the Trailhead and for the first couple minutes walked an easy path that gave me the strangest feeling of Déjà vu. Then, it was down the steep slope and finally onto a rooty path.
As we crawled under and over logs, there were several fallen trees that had been erect only days before the storm. One or two of those logs were slippery when wet, causing more than a few of us trouble. Luckily, there was plenty of orange flagging tape to guide the way, but sadly, none of it was edible.
However, just a few minutes after we had made it down that first hill, we heard the Eagles shouting On-On and closing in on us. Premature evacuation had occurred, much to the dissatisfaction of our Hares. Maybe next time, he can strap them to a chair with stretchy arm bands to delay their chase!
We came to a water crossing, traversed through a series of switchbacks, down a wee little rope and finally found Laa-Laa at another spot in the river. There, he greeted us with Beers, then quickly sent everyone on their way to keep festivities on time. My slick shoes must have self-activated one too many times, because a second nasty fall spurred my decision to shorten my path instead of making the Pack wait at Circle. Instead, I hung out there drinking Beers and standing in the water talking story.
Turkeys and Eagles alike continued up another hill and followed the Trail a while until they encountered a hidden tunnel built in 1926. It was covered with logs and debris, like someone had gone out and set booty traps to cover the entrance.
There, they found a bottle of brown sugar bourbon, with “Drink Me” scrawled upon a log. Then they Truffle Shuffled their way down into the cold, black wetness. What would they find? One-Eyed Willy’s ship? More booty traps? Nope, just a cramped, wet tunnel. Finally, the light at the end grew larger until they emerged. Of course, they were greeted with more logs, which turned out to be a real ball-buster- just ask Lac-a-Libido.
A while after the last Turkeys had crossed that first Beer Check with Laa-Laa, we saw Diddy and several other Eagles heading back down. Diddy told us it had taken them an hour to complete Trail from that point, which mean they were first there at 1:45. (Oops, Eagles were supposed to stay at On-Start until 2!) We knew it would be a long while before any Turkeys would be headed back that way. Kitty took a shortcut back by swimming down river instead. That water was freezing and my feet were beginning to go numb, so once Turkeys began to emerge down the hill and had their Beer, I joined them to head On-Home.
At one point, Fee and I took a wrong turn and noticed a suspicious lack of non-edible tape. We quickly doubled back, spotted some chunks of flour and size fives tracks and found Trail again. Soon enough, it was time to climb back up that first hill. I have to say, it was easier getting back up than I thought it was going to be. A few times, I had to lean down and use the roots to prevent sliding back, but luckily, I was saved by my Pinchers of Peril! Shortly after, we made it to the top and spotted most of the pack just inside the Trailhead, setting up chairs and sporting Happi coats. Hey, you guys!
We hurried back to the vehicles and grabbed what we needed to prepare for Circle. A quick change and 2 generous head-to-toe coats of bug spray later, I was ready.
The Eagles may have all set out super early, but a few slothful Hashers arrived back late. Nasty, Torque, Just Alex, Lick were delayed quite a bit and finally made their way back, but thanks to that damned log, Lac and Sack were DFLs. Eventually, they emerged victorious by 5:45. Once Chipmonk set out the snacks and everyone had a chance to charge their vessel, Circle began.
GM greeted everyone, introduced MisMan and welcomed our returners and visitors with songs.
Song Meister distributed several mini Aloha songbooks with a handful of songs for those who might need them. Several songs were joyfully sung to see how well they worked. (One was thoroughly enjoyed by a visitor, who swiped it with permission.)
The Hares were honored for their unique Trail. Then it was accusation time! Several of us were fingered for shortcutting Trail, getting injured, taking too long on that rocky road or pre-gaming On-Afters during Trail. The Hares were called up for the late Chalk Talk, how early the Eagles set out and for the non-edible tape.
There was an unusual number of stand-in drinkers for Hashers who had already bounced, including Sack, who had earlier predicted earning the Hashit. Good call, there, my clairvoyant friend!
Soon enough, it was time to bring forth said Hashit! White Boy presented the new addition, which consisted of FRB panties from the week prior, as well as a roll of blue edible tape. (Edible underwear?) After little dissent, an absent Sack was immediately awarded the Hashit for his many Haring infractions. Not to worry, Sack- it’s OK, you’re a Hare, and Hares always make mistakes. Just don’t make any more.
It was pitch black by then and the trek back to the vehicles was long, so we sang the Aloha song and Circle was closed. The Pack scattered and wandered through the neighborhood to retrieve our vehicles and Truffle Shuffle our way to ON-Afters. Once there, the Hashit was presented to Sack, witnessed by Tummy and Laa-Laa. The turnout was quite large and we took over 2 massive tables. I never seem to remember that the quesadillas tend to be soggy, but the chips and salsa never disappoint. I mean, they’re good enough for me!
Speaking of good, it was a long, but satisfying tunnel trek and Hashers got to explore a place even Teenee had never seen. In retropactum, I’d say it was one of the top two Trails of the year, so far!
Hashers never day die!
-Gex