Aloha Hash House Harriers #1716
The Souza Dairy Park Hash
Crazy Whorez, DHL, and Teenee Weenee
So, there I was…
The weather was gorgeous. It was the absolute perfect day for a Hash. It seems it was also a fabulous day for a kids’ soccer game! As Hashers began to arrive at On-Start, parking was scarce. As 2 P.M. drew near, the Pack was conspicuously lighter than usual, in large part to the nailbiter NFL games occurring that day. (GO Niners!)
Since Sack wasn’t present when he was awarded the Hashit last week, it was only right to give him a hard time for the conspicuous lack of chalk during Chalk Talk. Funny enough, the ground was equally bare this time. DHL was already out setting Trail, so the Pack was called over to assemble and Teenee Weenee and Crazy Whorez began Chalk Talk. Teenee stated that the part of the Eagles Trail was on “sacred ground” and that Turkeys would start before the Eagles and would receive “special instructions” a little bit later. Trail would also be A-A now instead of A-B, so after Hash Flash snapped a quick group photo and Teenee and Crazy Whorez set off, the rest of the Pack ran back to their cars to drop off their bags for Circle.
Turkeys took off several minutes before Eagles and were soon met by Crazy Whorez for a ride to the Trailhead. She instructed Turkeys to find the unmanned Beer Check and to bring the yellow dry bag back with them. Once dropped off, they made their way up the the very hilly Trail and onto the ridge. After about a mile or so, Turkeys found the B✓ marks. It took a few minutes of hunting around in the bush, but they finally came up with the mother lode and located the yellow bag. They were surprised to find it so full, but they did their best to drink the contents. Then, Wet & Dirty strapped it on so they could continue deeper into the shiggy.
Several punishing hills later, Turkeys came upon the second Beer Check. Once again, Hounds had to play Where’s Waldo to find the Beer. Turns out Mil’Fugger was supposed to pull it out, stay and wait for everyone to arrive, then hump it back. He forgot this tidbit until he was already back and DHL asked where the cooler bag was. (Oops. Guess he forgot his own “special instructions.”) Wet & Dirty once again trekked through the hilly hellscapes to retrieve it so the Hares wouldn’t have to. The real irony was that this second Beer Check was also an unmarked T/E split, so Wet & Dirty, White Boy and PI ended up doing Eagle with a full cooler bag.
After that second stop, The Trail became sketchier and the marks became scarce and quite difficult to see. Lucky for the Hounds, Mil’Fugger was helping lead them back. Finally, they made their way out of the shiggy and over to the Veterans cemetery, Teenee awaited at his car. It wasn’t really a Beer Check, but provided his private stash to Eagles and offered rides to stragglers. There was a bit more Trail to go, so the Hounds continued on through the cemetery, back through the shiggy a while and then into the neighborhood and On-Home.
Meanwhile, Eagles began by running through the neighborhood before plunging into the shiggy at the end of the road. Trail then went steeply uphill from there for for quite a while until they finally saw those glorious B✓ marks. Huzzah! Unfortunately, they saw neither Hare nor Beer. Thirsty and disappointed, they advanced up the ridgeline until it started to curve down to the lake, only to be met with a Back Check. They cursed the Hares, retraced their steps back up the ridge and finally found marks leading them downward. They pressed on until they heard the disembodied voice of DHL, who was standing on a tree stump, stuck and unable to continue setting Trail because he was lost and out of flour. Hare Snare! They eventually found a way to the water tank and finally the cemetery, where they quenched their thirst with Teenee’s personal stash. While there, DHL emerged from the woods and joined them for a few moments before taking off to finish setting Trail. They gave him a 10-minute head start before setting off after him, but once again snared him! They then followed him until the main road, where they took off ahead and ON-Home.
Once the Pack had all returned, those few brave souls in attendance charged their vessels and gathered round. Since Double Dipped Tip and ThunderDrunk were both absent, Cadbury volunteered to lead Circle and festivities began.
Sack Attack was streamered for Hashing 15 times with Aloha. Cadbury and Crazy Whorez were both serenaded with “Hashy Birthday” and the Pack celebrated Mil’Fugger getting his license.
Wet & Dirty was honored for her Beer humping heroics and deemed and honorary Hare. Teenee was also honored for his impromptu Beer Check.
Then it was accusation time! All minor infractions that ensued paled in comparison to DHL (Definitely Hares Lost?) getting lost, running out of flour and then being caught while still laying Trail. He also took two nasty falls and injured himself pretty badly. (Ouch! Seriously- ya good?)
This violation was enough to bring him right back into Circle when it was time to present the Hashit. Of course, since Thunder wasn’t there to “compete”, it was a unanimous vote to make DHL the newest owner. Thus, the beloved Hashit was passed from one Hare to another.
Formalities complete, Cadbury deemed himself worthy of RA privilege and closed Circle with a rousing rendition of “Swing Low”. The Pack then dispersed to go celebrate the glorious Niners victory. I mean, find On-Afters.
Like all the missing Hashers that day, there were a few other things missing. Missing marks, flour, Beer, instructions and even Hares. Luckily, there were plenty of hills, shiggy and mosquitos to more than make up for it. In the end, everyone made it out and got to enjoy a stellar, limited-Edition Cadbury-led Circle, so all was quickly forgiven. The priceless memories of DHL stuck on a log, however, will live on.
-Your shamelessly absent, playoff-watching friend,
-Gex