Aloha H3 #1720
Red Dress Run (RDR) Weekend
Pink Lingerie Run Hares: Torque & Lick Me (and friends)
Red Dress Run Hares: PI, Torque, International Dicklomat, and Hello Shaved Kitty
Red River Booze Cruise Hares: PI, Trail Taco, and her Manpanion
So, there I was…
Pink Lingerie Run
We assembled for the Pink Lingerie Run at the park just as the light was beginning to dim. There was an assortment of sleepwear, from booty shorts and long-sleeved sets to nighties and teddies. Of course, there were also sexy little slippers, eye masks and robes to complete the ensembles! Let me just say, that robe came in handy because the wind had kicked up and it was quite nipply out. Then again, I didn’t see anyone complaining.
There were individual boxes of candy distributed (♪ Free treats for all the Hashers ♪) before Chalk Talk while we waited for the pink-draped Hashers to make their way to us. Crazy Whorez and I were coming off surgeries, but there was no way we were missing out on any of the RDR weekend activities! She strolled up with her rollator and I rolled up in my wheelchair, blinged out with colorful LED lights to help illuminate the way. Fashion and function!
Soon after, a quick Chalk Talk commenced and then it was Hares away! We gave them a few minutes while we admired the sheer sexiness we had amassed into such a small space. I mean, who didn’t love F4’s sweet little teddy set?
Diddy had volunteered to push my chair and there was no way he was going to simply walk behind it. As we set out, Diddy took off at breakneck speed to catch up with Digging. Unbeknownst to me, there was a conspiracy to ensure that I was the FRB, so the neck-and-neck race was really just for show. Oh, did I mention he was also doing so in slippahs, without breaking stride. He danced and worked it for all the people behind him as the bubble wand streamed glorious Trails of bubbles. We got more than a few laughs! Digging also danced and frolicked as she ran, which was delightfully hilarious. The laughs hurt like a mother, but were totally worth it. At one point as we were slowly wading through a large horde of muggles, a wee keiki saw my pink feathery slippers and robe and asked me if I was Barbie. Of course I told her yes! I’m pretty sure that made my night more than hers. She then asked Just Jeremy if he was also Barbie and he told her he was Ken. Once we’d had Kenough of the muggles and were able to get though the crowd, we set out streaking again. On-On!
We had near-misses with a parked truck, had randos dancing with us and of course sang about our favorite vehicle with the front like a car and the back like a truck. There was a Naughty Check and epic tunes like the Rocky theme song and Top Gun hits streamed aloud to keep everyone going and amuse the crowd.
We followed marks and eventually came to a volleyball court where the paved path stopped cold. (Somehow in our ludicrous speed we’d missed the T/E/Wheelchair split a few paces back, but found our way soon enough. Then again, it gave us a chance to pay tribute to the volleyball scene in Top Gun before carrying on. Mmmmmm.) After a while and no BN in sight, we pulled off the path and broke out the emergency stash I had in my bag. Somewhat satiated, we continued on and finally made it to the statue where Taking the D was waiting with tasty Beers!
As Diddy and I approached at breakneck speed, we veered directly toward the water and stopped just short of the rocks with a screeching halt. Thanks to a little thing called inertia, the chair stayed exactly where it was, but my body took half a second longer to stop as I held on for dear life. Everyone had a good laugh at my expense (myself included) and then we got to enjoy our first sanctioned Trail Beer.
We finished our Sapporo’s and waited for more half-minds to find us before making our way toward the next Beer Check. At one point, there was an epic drag race between the rollator and wheelchair, set to the tune of Chariots of Fire. Vroom Vroom!
Eventually, we ended up in a dark corner on the path along the water. Seems the perfect place to stop, no? What could possibly go wrong? The wheelchair lights came in especially handy here since they were like a Beer beacon, guiding them to the good stuff.
No one was really expecting this one to be a real Trail, more like a quick and dirty A-A with gratuitous drinks, but it was actually more than 4 miles from On-Start to On-Afters, not including back and forth to hotels. Everyone was pleasantly surprised by this, but given how dark it was and how difficult it was to find Trail marks, next time we should remind everyone to strap on fleshlights.
After a while at the second Beer Check, it was decided to abandon the rest of Trail and that Circle would begin imminently. Said Circle basically consisted of announcing the On-Afters location, so shortly after, we set off to find the place.
Surprisingly, the On-Afters spot was able to easily accommodate and tolerate our ginormous group. There were delicious beverages, decent drunk food and rousing games of darts. It was getting quite late by the time everyone got food into them and and the location was further from the hotels than anyone wanted to walk, so Taking the D was a real stud and made two separate trips to help bring the wheeled ones back. We knew it was going to be an even longer day for RDR, so this decision was solid indeed.
The best part about our attire was that it was perfect to wear straight into bed!
Red Dress Run
The designated Red Dress Run On-Start was at Lucky Strike for pre-game drinks and to buy up all the sweet new Hab. The appearance of red Shiggy socks was definitely a highlight, but the shiny new RDR patch was perfection! After everyone had a chance to pregame with a cold one, we assembled outside for Chalk Talk.
There were multiple collection buckets and laminated signs that displayed QR codes and information about our cause, Established. (These were immensely helpful later on when articulating became just a little more difficult!) We blew off the Hares and admired our festive attire and enjoyed fresh Old Fashions mixed by Taking the D until it was time to set out after them.
This time I had my own personal Cabin Boy to do my bidding and Taking the D took charge of the Gex Wagon! Our first stop wasn’t far at all- just around the corner from On-Start. This place is a crowd favorite and it’s always a fabulous time. We’d barely made it inside the door before a table of tourists were cheerfully shoving large bills into my slot. You can easily get a pint or a jigger here, but just remember- don’t walk up to the entrance with an open bottle of wine if you want to join the Pack inside. The writing’s on the wall and they don’t play around!
Then the Pack set out again and more candy was distributed to the Hashers. Someone had also brought retro-themes flavored lip balms for us. That, along with wide-spread COVID, were passed around, because Hashers are a generous bunch and caring means sharing.
There were other stops that included riding a big leather saddle (giddy up!) and throwing back cold ones at our favorite beach bar with longboard tables. IYKYK.
We must have been a sight with the sea of red that streamed through Waikiki. We were stopped by countless muggles who were more than happy to toss us some doll hairs once we explained why we were so fabulously dressed. I mean, did y’all see that pic of 99 lookin all Jessica Rabbit and straight owning it? Mic drop.
We continued on and streamed epic music via the Bluetooth speaker, from showtunes to the colorful artistry of Stephen Lynch. Nothing says RDR like a parade of Hashers belting out Broadway hits. Nothing.
It was right about here that things begin to get fuzzy for many. On the booze cruise, there was a steady chorus of, “Wait… we went there, too?” There were many stops made that no one seemed to remember. This may be due in part to the tropical Truly’s and Old Fashioned being dispersed on Trail by the Gex Wagon in addition to the sheer abundance of scheduled stops. Hazy memories of mediocre food court pizza exist and clear recollections of all those damned stairs break through the fog. Show of hands if you actually recall every stop? Mmmhmm, exactly.
We finally staggered to the On-Home and Hashers were treated to pizza and given a drink ticket to cash in. Challenges were completed and copious Jell-O shots consumed. Circle commenced and once again, the wheels fell off the bus, with several disobedient Hashers allegedly scolded by their RAs. In hindsight, there had been many drinks and it was like herding feral cats at that point, so perhaps next time we do this, Circle will be short and sweet.
After Circle, several brave souls headed out to Wang Chung’s for karaoke and yet more drinks and bad choices, but some of us realized we needed to head back if we wanted a hangover-free morning. (Damned good call!) After all, it was getting super late and there were still many White Tigers to consume.
Oh, special mention must be made of the elderly gentleman who fed doll hairs to the collection bucket while creepily ogling Double Dipped Tip slurping noods. Those may have been the dirties doll hairs earned that night, but at least they went to a good cause.
Red River Booze Cruise
The next morning and too few hours later, we were wandering through the streets of Waikiki searching for breakfast and finally toward the marina where the boat awaited. As we meandered, we spotted random chalk marks along the way and collectively looked around with confusion. Hmm, that’s right… we did stop there! It was amusing retracing our steps and reliving the shenanigans of the night before.
Once we arrived at the marina, the pack took turns completing their waivers and checking in while a few attempted to grab a last-minute snack to eat before shoving off. We ended up setting sail late due to massive delays with the snack stand and QR code waiver. (Diddy waited 30 minutes for a bagel, plain corn chips and canned pineapple slices when they forgot part of his order.) Soon enough, we were off and headed to the designated swimming spot. Our Captain smartly predicted that it would be better to swim before sailing, just in case people drank a little more than expected. (He’s met us before, no doubt. Good call, Skipper. Good call.)
Several revelers brought libations for the journey, but Taking the D brewed us custom seltzers with a choice of Coconut Pineapple or Dark and Stormy. They were cold and sweet and damn, were they delicious!
Those who wanted to get wet slipped on blow-up life vests and plunged into the water. There were honus spotted portside and one was close enough for us to see it spray water from its beak. It even swam within reach of MonoRailMe, close enough she had to back away.
Lest I forget, there was also the reappearance of the Trever Special. In true fashion, Diddy accepted the challenge of downing the 8-shot-laden 2-liter in less than half the allotted 20-minute limit. Oh, did I mention he was also still holding his seltzer cup? This badass right here didn’t even need to ask someone to hold his Beer- he held his own damned drink! He crushed that challenge like a champ and continued on like nothing happened. Of course, the uber ride back to to the hotel was the perfect time to curl up and take a snooze once that Special caught up.
We had diverse entertainment on board, courtesy of Ska. We enjoyed rousing tunes until a random Ben Stein-channeling podcaster suddenly overtook the speakers. Entertaining and stimulating as it was, we were relieved to return to Mighty Might BossToneS. I’m not sure what happened, maybe the Bluetooth dropped out and something else got picked up. At least, that’s the impression that I get.
The weather held out for us and the wind settled down for the duration of our sail. It was just as splendid standing along the rails as it was cozying up on the lounger beneath the canopy. One of our visitors told me that even though she gets violently seasick and had brought Dram just in case, she didn’t need it at all. She had considered just staying ashore and waiting for us to return, but was really happy she decided to join us. After all, she would have missed the honu, the Trever Special takedown and one last chance to hang out with the sheer awesomeness of Aloha H3.
Captain Mark and his crew provided us with a fabulous day out on the water and it was the perfect end to an amazing RDR weekend.
*Many Mahalo’s to Diddy, Taking the D and F4 for helping push the Gex Wagon. I couldn’t have done RDR without you and I’m immensely grateful. *
On-On!
– “Hot Wheels”, the FRB