Hash Trash AH3 #1724 – 16 MAR 2024

Aloha H3 #1724

Green Dress Run

Hares: Manshatten Project, All You Need is Head, Yukon Yak, Laa-Laa, Trail Taco

So, there I was…

Before the long day of pub-stumbling ahead of us, we decided to pre-game at the On-Afters. Properly hydrated and full, it was then time to head to On-Start.

We assembled at the park and admired everyone’s emerald attire. There were rainbows, tattoos, tutus, glorious pots of gold and hilarious accessories to admire. (Some personal faves were the Beer Hat and of course, Pat McCrotch- hats off to you both!)

Nocturnal pulled a modified bike out of the back of his truck and we quickly realized it was adapted to be extra tall. As he mounted it, his green outfit and hat reminded me of the Riddler, but as he made small circles around the parking lot, I realized it was more like a circus leprechaun. (Cue the circus music!)

The Pack gathered round for Chalk Talk and the Hares told us to look for shamrocks and that we’d get lucky at Naughty Checks. We’d also have 5 chances to quench our thirst before we’d return. G’wan!

The Hares blew themselves off before we had a chance to take a group photo, but the rest of the Pack struck a pose and flashed Nocturnal. Then it was time to find the pint of black at the end of the rainbow! We set out along the water on a Trail that was eerily familiar, although there was no film crew attempting to erect a set this time. Block after block we traipsed, growing more and more parched. All the while, Nocturnal rode his bike and snapped pics from above as the Pack searched for marks.

The first Beer Check wasn’t for a good mile and half, so we’d worked up quite a thirst by the time we arrived. The beverages were grand, although the service was a bit shite. We downed our cocktails and pints with ease and it wasn’t long before we were back on Trail, searching for more.

It was only about 2 minutes in when things started to go awry. Nocturnal took the curb at the wrong angle and took a nasty spill into the street. Hashers came running to assist and he was able to walk it off for a few until he was ready to get back up and ride again. We’d gone 7 full days without a Trail accident, but now we were back at zero. Someone’s luckier than a four-leafed clover, because he was relatively unscathed!

Not a full block later, Diddy and 4 ways were watching Nocturnal narrowly avoid traffic instead watching the sidewalk in front of them. Suddenly, 4 Ways walked straight into a street sign and the sound it made defied logic. Seems there are four ways to Italy and more than one way to walk into a sign. (Don’t worry, it’ll buff.) Just like that, the accident counter reset to zero minutes.

We wound toward Chinatown and took guesses as to which Irish Pubs we’d pop into. The next stop was a bit less bougie and a little more punk. As we bellied up to the bar, we packed the room beyond capacity and waited to order a cold one. Sadly, it was a toss-up whether the room temp or the PBRs were warmer. Our apologetic barkeep did offer to put them on the rocks, but the idea was unfathomable, so we politely declined and dutifully sipped our lukewarm brews.

It was only a short block until the next location, one of two Irish pubs we’d predicted would be on the agenda. It was here that a few were able to grab a quick bite and down the black. Not long after, we rounded up the crowd and then took the party all of 50 feet to the next pub across the street. More Guinness were guzzled, along with the occasional Irish Car Bomb or Bailey’s. In honor of St. Paddy’s Day, they’d decorated the place with flags and shamrocks and played the occasional Irish tune for us. We had one more bonus stop to make, so on we went and soon found it!

This last place had a selection of local ciders, so several of us opted for a tasty dragon fruit concoction that was absolute paradise. As we departed the final stop, we encountered a psychic muggle who eerily uttered, “I know where you’re going and where you’ve been.” Hmm, well that makes one of us, then. Maybe they’d seen the backwards True Trail mark right at the main road, pointing us directly back to where we’d just been. We figured it was just a pre-lay hiccup and continued on our way.

Not long after, we made it back to the On-Home and took a few minutes to grab a quick bite and charge our vessels. Meanwhile, Diddy was running up the hill trying to photobomb a random wedding with the Hashit as we were gathering everyone for Circle. (A new photobomb tradition was born!)

Circle was opened and Visitors and Returners were called forth and welcomed to the shenanigans. The Hares were then brought into Circle and honored for their shite-y Trail.

Then it was accusation time! Nocturnal was called up for the arseways riding and 4 Ways joined him for her own arseways sidewalk navigation.

At long last, it was time to present the Hashit! Diddy proudly showed off the latest addition in the form of a mannequin hand with a finger cuff, I mean splint. Life imitates art, it seems. Fair play!

Shockingly, Nocturnal and 4 Ways were called back up. Which eejit would reign supreme?

Well, it seems the luck o’ the Irish was with 4 Ways! In the words of the Joker, someone falls off a bike or gets hit by a car, it’s all part of the plan. But Four Ways walks into a street sign and everyone loses their mind. Let’s all give her a round of applause! Or at least a hand.

We were beginning to get hungry and garlic parmesan pretzels were calling our name, so Circle was closed and we proceeded to On-Afters. We hadn’t been there long when the Hashit got a little handsy and lost the splint. All wasn’t lost, because we did end up with Trail Treasure – a long delinquent hasher who’d spotted us at one of the pubs and met back up with us for the after party.  (Seriously, this guy is Jimmy Smit’s dopple-banger.)

Several of us weren’t ready to say goodnight yet, so On-Afters-Afters was just a short uber ride away to a private karaoke room- perfect for a large crowd, mystery shots and yet more shenanigans.

It was great that they had couches to sit and relax, but they were placed in such a way that if you stepped back at just the right place, you fell behind them into the empty corner and showed off all your lucky charms. (The bruise is still quite impressive, mates.) The party was still going strong by the time we stumbled back to the hotel. (By the way, anyone who gave an Irish Goodbye and still needs to chip in for the room rental tab or unpaid drinks, please see Manshatten’s post from Monday.)

Brunch the next morning was a fabulous time and to our delight, the Hashit even made an appearance. I’m still not sure how we mustered the will to be there at 8, but it was just around the corner from our hotel and quite a solid choice. The coffee was perfection and helped wake us up and ease our hoarse throats. Our group ordered a selection of Corned beef and eggs Benny, tots, hash and something resembling a panini. Everyone seemed pretty satisfied with their choice and enjoyed the food, company and atmosphere. (That said, if you go looking for yogurt on the menu, that’s a different story and you’ll be sadly disappointed.) It was the perfect end to a fabulous GDR weekend, but to further celebrate this glorious holiday, I leave you with this wee limerick.

There once was a guy called Hash Flash

Who on his big bike took a big crash

He went ass over tits

and smashed the camera to bits

but his legend lived on in the Hash Trash!

 Sláinte!

-Gex