Hash Trash AH3 #1727 – 6 APR 2024

Aloha H3 # 1727

The Bat Cave Hash

Hares: Geck Ho, Nasty Gash, Princess Footlong

So, there I was…

The morning shortly before Trail, Nasty Gash, Princess Footlong and I (collectively, Princess Nasty Ho) set out and made last-minute preparations. As we worked our way through the entire Trail, there was no doubt that that we’d be in for a mad scramble to lay live marks with the pack in hot pursuit. It rained several times throughout the morning and an hour before Trail the sky dumped buckets, so it was going to be fun.

As the Hashing hour approached, a decent sized Pack gathered, which was great since we we carrying so much extra Hare Beer, Jell-O Shots and water up that incline and hunched through the caves. At least our packs would be much lighter on the way down!

We climbed the hill near where Chalk Talk would be taking place and assembled for a quick group photo. Fee Fi Fo Fuck brought a custom banner proclaiming war on that place that shall not be named, which we proudly held high until a busload of keiki drove past. Once they we gone, we raised it once more in victory and Nocturnal snapped a photo.

Calk Talk commenced, with a dire warning to watch out for marks made by the Riddler, The Joker, Poison Ivy, The Penguin and Cat Woman. However, no mark was so important as the flour X, which was laid several times over dog droppings to warn others of peril. Once we gave a few quick Trail Tips, we Hares were away!

There wasn’t much opportunity to shortcut Trail to get to the Checks, so we Hares took off and used every second of those 15 head-start minutes. It rained heavily bout one minute after we set out and we cursed the choice to use flour instead of bio tape while live haring. Then again, there wasn’t a way to really shortcut Trail to get to our checks, and ain’t no one got time to stop and tie tape to trees.

Soon enough, our 15 minutes were up and we got word that the Pack was in hot pursuit. They wound their way through the concrete jungle and navigated several villainous traps before finally heading (who said Head?) into the Trailhead. About half a mile into the lower portion, they were treated to refreshing creek-side Beers with Princess Footlong. They wound beneath the lush arching canopy and began making a quick, steep rooty ascent toward the upper Trail. Eventually, the Pack reached the Turkey-Eagle split, with Eagles turning left and following Nasty Gash’s Bat Signal. His Bat Cave was flooded, but Eagles were still able to grab a quick beverage before heading back to the split and continuing on up.

Riddle me this, riddle me that- who’s afraid of the big black bat? We sent the Pack through cave after cave, marked with ancient Bat Cave petroglyphs and the distinct possibility that they’d be met by a winged mammal. I mean, bats frighten me. It’s time my fellow hashers share my dread. I mean, if I have to have bats flying around near my head in a cave multiple time, why shouldn’t they?

Meanwhile, I was waiting at the top of a gorgeous clearing, waiting with boozy Blue Raspberry Jell-o Shots. They may have had a Joker theme and color, but the ABV was no joke!

At one point while waiting for the first to arrive, a large group of hunters and dogs approached. I greeted them with a friendly hello and the self-appointed leader demanded to know if I had any dogs with me. (Fair enough, I could tell they were hunters and probably didn’t want conflict with other dogs.) Then he asked if I had any children with me. Um…no? I half expected him to ask if there were any men around because the alpha was strong with that one. Sure enough, a few moments later he began cursing and yelling about a woman with kids, presumable someone they encountered on Trail. Some men just want to watch the word burn. Or at least go full-on agro and make people uncomfortable. Awkward…

Of course, this was all happening less than 10 feet from my bench. Nothing like reminding a woman she is alone on the woods with 6 angry dudes strapping hunting knives with 8 hunting dogs. Never was I more grateful for a whistle and cell reception. All the while, I was updating Gash and looking for an exit strategy.

At least I had my trusty Bat Utility Belt, complete with chalk, flour and of course, a Beer. If it came down to it, I’d just shotgun my Beer, toss flour into their eyes and they’d be temporarily blind as a bat. Eventually, they took off and it wasn’t long before the first Eagles made their way to me. From that point, there was a steady flow of Hashers nearby and we never encountered the alpha pack again.

Nasty Gash let me know that Teenie and DHL left the Eagle beer check to “do the Trail we should have done” and weren’t seen anymore that evening. (We later received proof of life from Teeny as he enjoyed some Fireball)

Once the Pack made their way through and successfully found their way back, Nasty swept his way back to me and we headed On-Home.

By then, the Pack (minus Teenee and DHL) had all returned and were assembled at a large very discreet, muggle-free field. Circle was almost cut off before it began when our illustrious co-Hare, Princess Footlong, accidentally revealed our intent to a nearby security guard. Luckily, she thought on her feet and used some Edward Nigma mind control and he was duly pacified. We were already off to a better start than the past two weeks!

Circle was opened and Virgins and Visitors were welcomed. That out of the way, we turned our focus immediately to the one glaringly delinquent matter- the naming of Just Jeremy.

There were so many truly fitting names we could have gone with. Cop Blocker and Juice Box Hero were top contenders. In fact, it was the memory of that post-GDR brunch that inspired the latter. Apple juice and tots were ordered that morning to help alleviate a hangover, but didn’t quite stop the vomitous flood. Because he’s the hero Aloha needs, but not the one it deserves right now, Hurly Bird Special was born and Just Jeremy was a Just no more! Your naming was good… his was better. The difference: showmanship. Holy About effin time, Batman!

Then it was time to present the Hashit! DDT brought forth her prize and proclaimed that her addition was the very roll of TP that she’d laid Trail with the previous week. The offending object thus became one with the beloved Precious.  That out of the way, it was time to award the Hashit to the most deserving. At long last, White Boy was honored for taking a slow-motion boob-grabbing tumble backwards at my Shot Check. He then dutifully re-enacted this event at Circle and flashed us all when he pulled up his Kilt as he lay on the ground.

Shortly after, Circle was closed and the Pack scattered to head to On-Afters.

We found ourselves at a familiar favorite known for their wings and beer. Although we got on the list fairly early, it took a really long time to be seated because apparently there were 2 other very large groups waiting before us. We assumed it must be pretty busy, especially for a Saturday night, once we got seated, we saw that the restaurant was near empty. Our server insisted that she’d be taking drink and app orders first and then come back to take entrée orders, but halfway through, the Pack convinced her to abandon that plan. Eventually, our food came out and everyone was fairly happy with their choices. I mean, just ask Hurly- his surprise order of apple juice and tots looked fabulous! The baked cauliflower wings have definitely been better and decidedly less gravel-like, but at least the Beer was decent!

That said, it was a great day for a Bat Cave Hash. Hurly earned a shiny new (absolutely perfect) Hash Name, no one got lost or injured and no cops or drama were involved at Circle in any way. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.Sometimes they just want a cold Beer and trek through the concrete jungle. This time, they got it all!

Batman out.

-Gotham Gex