Hash Trash Aloha H3 #1730
The Ho’okiekie Run in Pearl City
Hares: Teenee, DHL, Burning
The day began with Hashers gathering at an eerily similar area and awaiting the Hares. Soon enough, DHL arrived and announced that he couldn’t find Teenee. He then disavowed responsibility for anything that would subsequently happen on Trail.
When it was finally time for Chalk Talk, there weren’t markings prepared, but it went something like this: Teenee: “I started marking trail with toilet paper, then I switched to orangish tape, then I lost the roll of tape and decided the river didn’t have to be marked…by the way Trail is poorly marked.”
Once Hares were away, Double Dipped Tip gave a more in-depth Chalk Talk so the Virgins could have a fighting chance. A short time later, the Pack was away!
There was solid confusion at first, but marks were finally found by the school and the Eagles took their cue and off they went! Along the way, the Pack was able to enjoy Orange Food by picking oranges from a random tree on Trail.
The Turkey/Eagle split was marked questionably, but at the Beer check, DHL pulled out his phone and said “Go in this general direction- I’m not sure if there will be marks.” Not willing to trust what marks or directions were available, Princess Footlong, Wet & Dirty, White Boy and PI ended up creating their own damned Trail and found gorgeous ruins.
In a turn of events that is simply too perfect to even imagine, Wet & Dirty and F4 both almost reset the injury counter by tripping while attempting to take Trail notes for Hash Trash and photos for the Nocturnal. (Just because Gex isn’t here doesn’t mean we need to channel her and reset the injury counter!)
The Eagles were shockingly lost on Trail and actively debating just turning, but as soon they were talking about not seeing Teenee, he magically appeared on an above bridge. The moral of the story here is that if you’re ever lost on Trail, just say Teenee three times and he will appear out of nowhere like Beetlejuice.
The Turkeys were together for a while but after the Beer check, several decided to just make their own damned Trail. DDT, F4, Hurley, Catching in the Thighs and Just Alyssa opted to follow the marks and tape (even coining the phrase “on tape” instead of “on Trail”) but eventually, the tape just ran out.
They ended up following the fence for a while until the shiggy got too much. They got permission to hop the fence and Hurly even made himself into a human ladder to help others up and over. What a True Hash Hero! Shortly after, they were On-Home and waiting for the rest of the Pack to return.
Circle soon started and Virgins greeted. Returners were welcomed back and interrogated as to why the hell they made us Hash all alone.
Then it was Accusation time! Teenee and his fellow Hares were accused of inadequate marks.
Soon enough, it was Honor time. Burning was honored for his 200th Aloha Hash! Hurly was honored for being used as human stool to get over the damned fence and DDT for the miraculously well-fitting silkies. Wet & Dirty was honored for taking PI and company to a unique spot on Trail, due to the lack of marks. The Pack bid Kibbles and Vomit a sad farewell as he finally departed back to the Mainland. On a different note, a new song was suggested for the Teenee Trail – “Someone You Used to Know.”
Then it was Hashit time! F4 proudly presented the beloved Hashit and showed off the addition of a banana keychain for her banantics on Trail the weekend before. Said keychain had “Safety third” written on it to remind the kennel that banantics are indeed inevitable. She also proclaimed that a new tradition was born and that anyone who displayed banantics on Trail would be awarded a banana keychain. (How many times might one be awarded? Is it just a one and done sitch? Asking for a friend.)
Hashit nominations were brutal this time. Hurly was nominated for being used as a stool on Trail. Crazy Whorez was nominated for her pup absolutely decimating a black cock. F4 was nominated for tripping after being warned about said tripping hazard. Of course, the Kennel was feeling particularly sentimental and threw ThunderDrunk under the bus for not being present. After much deliberation, Hurly reigned supreme!
Circle was then closed and the hungry Pack took off for some grub.
On-Afters was at a local pizza joint where the pizza took their usual time. Of course, this meant there was plenty of time to piss people off. Apparently, some rando approached Teenee and DHL and something inappropriate about the guy’s wife.
Meanwhile, on a much bigger island, half of Aloha was running amok in a sea of red dresses pissing off absolutely no one.
The evening before, Kona H3 hosted a Red Dress Exchange at a local dive and Hashers had a chance to peruse and swap a dress or two. Although it was a fun evening, everyone decided to call it an early night so we’d all have energy for the day ahead.
The next morning, Torque and I sampled the local vegan fare and enjoyed the colorful merch far more than the actual food. Gayfully caught up with us just as we were leaving the joint and was hungry for some Loco Moco. We found a place close by that offered that, as well as mimosas and Bloody Mary’s. The Loco Moco must have been everything Gayfully had hoped for, because the gleeful giddiness he had when he took that first bite was simply adorable.
It was right about then that we learned that Laal aa, Taco and Head had all arrived on island. everyone had arrived and were ready to pre-game. It was already muggy and uncomfortably hot by then, so we decided to go for a quick swim. Several were staying at vacation rentals across the street from On-Start, so we hopped in the pool and hot tub until it was time to get dressed for the festivities.
Not long after, we were heading out to meet up with everyone at the seawall downtown and we happy to see that the Aloha presence was strong. We gathered for a few group photos and admired the creativity of some of the ensembles. Head ended up wearing the curly red wig that CocktoberFest was wearing the night before. Strangely, I had called him Little Orphan Annie the night before, but seeing what Head was wearing along with the wig was even more spot on.
After kicking things off, we set out in a sea of red dresses and enjoyed the cheers of encouragement from locals who had much experience with the event.
Almost immediately, we hit up an ABC store for a roadie, followed by Sams’s for Jell-O shots and yet more Beers and of course a roadside cooler stop. We encountered artful tree carvings, more black lava than meets the eye and more than a handful of Beer stops.
It was far more humid than we get over here this time of year and there was all the schweat to contend with. I was completely miserable with the heat, but trying to make the best of it in front of a wee little oscillating fan. (Mahalo to head for carrying those spare dresses- life improved greatly after changing into something sweat-free!)
We made it to a local chicken place with excellent mac and cheese and Head let me know he was still carrying the spare dresses and opened up his bag to let me have my pick. I spotted the dress I’d brought with me that weekend and ran to go change. Feeling 10 degrees cooler and somewhat recharged, I bestowed my mort heartfelt sweat-free gratitude.
A couple muggles at the table nearby approached and asked about our attire, so we gave them the quick and dirty deets and referred them to the website to give them an idea and also the info for Kona. Hey, we’re always trying to Hare Raise, even if it’s for another kennel!
After finishing the ono grindz, we found ourselves gathering for Circle at the beach. As the evening progressed, the Little Orphan Annie wig slowly became a merkin, which made a distinct appearance as we proceeded with the ritual revelry. I know… shocker, right?
Although this proved to be rather short, we weren’t disappointed. The Kona Hashit is truly something to behold. It’s really quite impressive- check out the pics for inspo!
After Circle, several of us enjoyed cooling off in the shallows and gave our best Ariel impressions in the mermaid pools as we relished a rather stunning sunset. (Hey, I didn’t say they were accurate!) It was the perfect end to a whirlwind trip.
Shortly after, we were squeezing everyone into an impossibly small table next to a sand volleyball pit. Unfortunately, as with the brewing co the day before, the nachos were lacking. It kinda seemed like they didn’t feel like they even needed to try since there weren’t all that many options nearby. Once everyone downed their beverages, we scattered back to our hotels for some much-needed rest. Mahalo for the ride back!
The following day, my flight wasn’t until the evening so I decided to explore the area a little more. It turns out that we’d actually covered all the same territory on Trail the day before. We’d walked along the beach, back through Downtown, close to the pier, up through past the brewing company and finally to the beach.
Things were much more relaxed and it seemed like there were hardly any tourists at all. Even the cruise ship terminal at the pier seemed deserted, despite the ship being anchored and actively ferrying passengers back and forth. I did manage to find Trail marks that I hadn’t seen the day before, as well as other rando chalk markings from a different event. There were gecko sightings, as well as a stop at the fabulous shave ice spot called Gecko Girlz. Happily, the local fare seemed to improve with a delish veggie sandwich and brew at a pier side lanai.
After a tranquil poolside rest, it was finally time to head to the airport and catch the short flight home. Mahalo for the hospitality, Kona. See you at Volcano!