Hash Trash Aloha H3 # 1733
The Armed Forces Hash
Hares: Geck Ho, Nasty Gash, Fee Fi Fo Fuck, Diddy Kong Micro Dong
So, there I was…
On this Armed Forces Day, we honored our Active Duty with a truly wet and dirty Trail- Hooyah! The weather that morning held out and it didn’t rain at all, although the sky was dark and slightly ominous. Knowing it wouldn’t last, we called an audible and decided the planned froggy beach day would have to wait.
Disappointed but determined to still lay a shitty Trail, we Hares did the full route that morning to check conditions and set marks where appropriate. The weather was perfect for hiking to the pillboxes, with overcast skies, a gentle breeze and few muggles. Although it would have been awesome to snap a few pics of the scenery with blue skies, let’s just say the views were still bootyful. Despite the mud and a moment or two of drizzle, it was totally Gexable, and it felt great to be back!
Despite the brown water situation, plenty of muggles were braving the foul water and snorkeling. Gex’s car was hit while haring before Trail and dealing with the hit and run situation was enjoyable. Those first several moments were tense and all I could think was “I want some butts!” (So maybe my response was a bit more colorful, but we did believe that things would work out and that the scribblings left on the windshield were indeed their contact info. We must have soloed under a lucky star, because they were!) Although we were busy keeping up foreign relations, it was getting closer and closer to start time. Things must have been slower that day because we were able to wrap up the police report rather quickly and we were headed back with more than enough time to spare. Hooah!
Once we made it back to On-Start to prepare for Chalk Talk, the skies opened and sheets of rained poured down. Wet & Dirt did her best to keep the Hash Cash station dry, but the canopy of the overhead trees did little to stop the onslaught barraging down. A few had umbrellas, but after several minutes, I surrendered to the wetness. We were setting out soon enough and there’d be no stopping it anyhow.
By then, Fee was at her Beer Check guarding the refreshments from the monsoon, so Diddy, Gash and I laid down Chalk Talk and took a quick group photo and then we hares were away!
Gash, Diddy and I ran off to re-lay all the marks that were marked only a short time earlier. They were completely gone, due to the street turning into a stream. We laid large, generous marks in chalk and hoped for the best. Shortly after, the Pack was away, and the brand-new marks were already decimated. By some miracle, some survived and with the aid of flour leading them, they found us without issue. Oorah!
The first stop for everyone was at my Shot Check, which included super boozy Dark and Stormy’s with Navy Kraken and a handful of Beers for those not brave enough to go for it. It was actually raining hard enough that they would have been diluted within moments. The Pack also got to enjoy fresh butterscotch cookies before it was time to carry on. Turkeys and Eagles continued on along the path to the Trailhead, while Chickens No-No’d back.
Once they arrived at the Trailhead, it was a slick incline along the ridge to get to the pillboxes. Before trail, there was a wager about the number of muggles seen in the pillbox while in this weather. Just Bex wagered 2 and won!
They passed a small mud wrestling pit, sized perfectly for one of Fee’s wee friends, then quickly ascended up into the clouds. Here we go, into the wild blue, er grey yonder… Once they made it to the second pillbox, Fee and Diddy were waiting with their prize- more beer and cookies! Turkeys turned around and No-No’d back, while Eagles braved the larger remaining part of the ridge. If it had been slick and wet on our first trip that morning, it was a shit show by them. The trickling stream we’d seen earlier had become a mini river on the back Eagle portion.
Eagles made their way down the ridgeline and finally out onto the street and toward Nasty Gash’s waterlogged island Beer Check. There they enjoyed yet more Beer, and a few brave souls tested their skills at the impromptu O-Course. Rumer has it that Wet & Dirty was pole dancing and I’d love to see pics of that! Just after they left Gash’s check, they passed by 2 very “nice” landmarks and we soon finding their way On-Home.
This was easily the wettest the collective Pack has been in several months. It consistently rained for 4 hours, relenting just before Circle. While waiting for the rest of the pack to arrive back, we tried to catch a break from the rain by waiting under the awning of the nearby building, but it was occupied by a few displaced residents trying to stay dry. A quick update post about the new Circle location later, we were changing into dry clothes and marveling at our pruny hands. We moved to the far corner of the building to give everyone space, just in time to see a tense standoff between a guy on a motorcycle threatening to run down a dude and his dogs. It was right about then that we redirected everyone to a different location for Circle, rain or not.
There were only 5 Chickens and 2 Turkeys- everyone else went full Eagle. It timed out pretty well because Eagles had a slightly longer, but more challenging route back, but we weren’t waiting long by the time we got changed.
Circle was convened and our Stunt RA and co-Hare, Diddy, welcomed the Visitors (Welcome aboard!) and Returners, including Master Splinter-Bator, who was honored for auto biking. Great balls of fire! Mmmm… Fireball…
Several Hashers were honored, with one in particular. There was plenty of saluting going on and no hands were involved! Sadly, this was Taking the D for a B’s last Aloha hash. The Pack honored him with stories, including the much-remembered time when Sensitive Starfish tried to take him out with a trash can. The list of memories was long, but distinguished and we took our time and tried to prolong the inevitable as long as possible. He was presented with his Departer Foot, inscribed by his loyal fan following, just before a dejected version of Piss Off ensued. Farewell to our beloved Cabana Boy. Until we meet once more, here’s wishing you a happy voyage home!
We Hares were brought forth to honor us for the unbelievably wet, long and dirty Trail that involved Navy Kraken and treats. Somehow, despite the freshly-laid marks that instantly disappeared, no one got lost or hurt. (RA was immediately blamed!) In fact, the only injury to occur that day was when Gex’s swagger wagon was violated by another vehicle.
We took the Pack from the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Kailua, from beach to mountaintop, in the air, on land and well, no sea this time. It’s safe to say that we’re proud of all we have done, Haring till the Trail’s all done. They can be my co-hare any time! (There’s nothing stronger than the heart of a volunteer, so ask a lead Hare to jump in and help on their next Trail!)
Other notable mentions were how Catcher in the Thigh was assaulted with muddy water by Taking the D and Wet & Dirty. On the way back from her Beer Check, Fee also found glorious banana trail treasure, so muggles walking in the street were saved from banantics.
Of course, everyone was a bit disappointed that the Hashit wasn’t there to parade around and award, but the deliberation was put on hold until Campout to give our beloved RA a chance to defend herself from the monsoon that occurred only during Trail.
Festivities wrapped up and Circle was then brought to a close. The Pack scattered and headed toward the On-Afters spot.
This one is crowd favorite known for their burritos, and due to this being Taking the D’s last evening with us, most of the Pack showed up. As usual, the food was solid, and they handled our crowd like champs. It’s no wonder we go back for sloppy seconds again and again. It was a truly fabulous time, and we were grateful to get to spend just a few more minutes with our friend.
The next adventure will be Campout! There are several notable events planned and everyone is excited to finally get a chance to resume shenanigans. What are the odds we’ll outdo ourselves? I don’t know, but it’s looking good so far…
-Gex