Hash Trash Aloha H3 #1734
Hares: ThunderDrunk and Hello Shave Kitty
The Memorial Weekend Campout Hash
So, there I was…
We arrived just after 2 that Friday, thinking there would be a lot more people there by then who had claimed a spot. However, only a few had arrived and set up, so we chose a spot off to the side and started setting up. It was actually a while before anyone else showed and we were able to get our stuff set up as well as help erect the big white tent.
A short time later, it was time for the Wine Not 5K! One end of the leg was to touch the wet, sticky bush and then return to the trees where Titless and Jefe watched. There were 5 legs to complete, and each leg found our wine warmer and warmer. Delightful. We learned a few tips along the way. Just before on lap, I swung by the tent and grabbed my camp coffee cup to pour into for an easier roadie solution. It’s far easier to sip from that that from a glass bottle and a little less conspicuous as well. Soon enough, we were doing our victory lap and raising a glass to finishing!
Our reserved area was far from the other muggle sites, but we were sharing two of our sites with a couple other tents after all. We left them alone and clustered our group in the remaining 3 zones. It was a hike to get to the bathroom and we had to walk through the other campsites to get to it.
Luckily, they didn’t bat an eye when the Wine Not 5K route was laid through there and we streamed through with bottles in tow. Someone asked what our event was and were told something about a scavenger hunt, to which they shrugged off and accepted without question.
By the time we wrapped up the 5K, it was already time to Full Moon Trail to begin, so after the Taco Bell order finally arrived, the traditional Trail ensued! (Shout out to Ska for jumping in to pick it up!) A few of us followed arrows to the road and few detours and near-misses later, we were back on track and following Trail. The path was somewhat short, due to the location and lack of illumination. Not to worry, we lit up the sky and surroundings just fine on our own a few moments later.
We gathered around the campfire for a few hours and most headed to bed. A few of us were wide awake and stuck it out. We were feeling energetic and wanted to take a late-night stroll, but it was super dark out there and we needed illumination to complete our mission. Moments later, a few nearby souls heard the urgent cries of “DIDDY! I need a chem light. Put your on pants and come give me a CHEMLIGHT! DIIIIIDDY!”
Festivities continues on for quite awhile at the firepit and then in the tents. We finally fell asleep and awoke later to rather interesting weather. It only rained a little that night, but the wind was no joke. Even as we were setting up camp, the wind was tossing the tents around and we predicted that someone’s tent wouldn’t survive the night. All night, the sides of our tent were slanting back and forth, but it magically stayed upright and secure. When we emerged, we were shocked to discover that Tummy’s tent was completely collapsed on one side and that the pole that supported the top was shredded like a broom and snapped in two. He was sleeping inside and seemed fine, so that was a relief.
The first thought was coffee, but we weren’t feeling like dragging the camp stove out to make it just yet, so we walked across the street to 7-11 and brought back coffee and pastries. Both were surprisingly satisfactory, so we enjoyed the relative peace and the moments of calm before traffic picked up and both camps awoke.
The party at the other camp was in full swing by late morning. They had gathered for a celebration of life and well over a hundred friends and family had gathered to honor their loved one that weekend. They had music and games and were barbequing ribs and chicken. In fact, one one trip past their camp, we approached and saw Diddy making friends and gnawing away on a piece of chicken. That’s our boy!
After awhile we were awake enough to actually break out the stove and cook a decent breakfast. Most were awake by then and several of us gathered at the picnic table to cook together and share our fare. (To those who braved the vegan Spam, I salute you. I know it’s not the same as the real thing, but when properly cooked and seasoned, it’s solid.)
Double Dipped Tip busted out the Hab, which included the newest addition of the blue shiggy shocks! Not only that, a handful of us got to debut samples of the new Taste the Rainbow, Eat the Ribbon shirts and let me tell you, they’re awesome!
Soon enough, it was time top prepare for the Chumbawamba Challenge. Each participant brought 1.5 oz of vodka and whiskey, as well as a can of lager and cider. After each leg, one drink would be consumed in order, while Tubthumping was playing on repeat the entire time. As with any Beer Mile challenge, each beverage was lined up to await completion of each lap. Our rules were laid out for us, and Fee explained that we would be following a specific path 1-mile around our camp, marked with blue bio tape and consisting of 4 legs, with 2 laps per leg.
When we were all ready, we grabbed our first drink, held it high and the music began. A quick Cheers later, we downed the drinks and set off to complete the first 2-lap journey to where Kitty awaited. Once we arrived at his picnic table, we spun around the pole and made our way back. Once complete, we consumed the whiskey drink. Some of us had made a mixed drink instead of slamming it, but at least the booze we chose went down like a champ. Then, off we went to go do a little more pole dancing near Kitty.
The third time we set out, it was especially hot outside, and the mile was starting to feel quite long. We began to notice some of the others shortcutting a good portion and enjoying roadies. In fact, when we returned from the first lap of leg 3, Fee told us that she may have overestimated the track and informed us to go ahead and take the same shortcut. That did seem to make sense, so we gratefully accepted, downed the lager, and took off to to check off more laps of our Chumba 5K.
Two more laps done, it was time to take down the beast- that dammed cider. As I picked up my can, I eyed it with disdain for multiple reasons. When we chose this particular cider, it wasn’t out of desire to drink it. It was literally the only option Target had. I already despise cider and all sweet drinks in general, but this 4-pack was also the Monster-sized cans. I was able to swap it out for a bottle of Red’s and immensely relieved that I’d have to ingest less sugary liquid that planned. That said, it was still sickeningly sweet and getting warmer by the moment.
Since we only had 2 laps to go, we decided to just get it over with and quickly knocked those out while finishing up the booze along the way. I didn’t remember signing up for a 10K, but every step along the way was accompanied by the sloshing of lager and cider in our bellies. We approached the table one last time and our marathon was finally complete! I’m not sure we ever determined exactly how long the actual track was, but it wasn’t horrible. The heat and sugary booze didn’t help matters, but at least we had Fee and the others cheering us on, and of course the sweet sounds of our formative years blasting over and over. The cider may have been awful, but victory tasted oh, so sweet.
A couple hours later, it was time for the Hash! Our Campout Hares were ThunderDrunk and Hello Shaved Kitty. Thunder was already on the way to the first Beer Check, so Kitty gave a quick Chalk Talk and promised us a Trail that was wet and dirty and would have at least 2 beverages. There would also be Turkey/Eagle splits and Picture Checks. That out of the way, it was time to take a quick group photo and blow off the Hare!
We had a few visitors, including one who presented a brand-new pair of shoes to be broken in with beverage at Circle. He then led us in a lengthy, squirmy version of Father Abraham. After 15 minutes, it was time to set out after the Hares and go find the Beer!
The Pack followed the chalk marks out onto the highway and soon enough we were tucking into the neighborhood. We continued on until we made our way into the Trailhead, only stopping for a quick coat of bug spray.
We made our way up the mountain, following switchbacks and charging up inclines, until we saw a Picture Check. There was a bench there, overlooking a gorgeous vista- truly the perfectly bootyful view. After a quick photo, we continued around the corner to where Thunder awaited with Beers.
We had been hanging around with Thunder for only a short while when we spotted a few people through the trees and heard a loud “Hash Hush!” It seems a Hashy wee one had run off and 8 Balls and Jefe were a bit frantic. Not to worry, he’d only run off a few feet to the Picture Check. Lucky for us, no one was enjoying the bootyful view at the moment.
As the rest of the pack continued up the path to got find Kitty and more Beer, a few of us hung back with Thunder and enjoyed the shade of the pavilion and rested. Between the 5K the night before and the decathlon that morning, we were a bit tired, and a lazy respite sounded perfect.
While at the table, we noticed a few things left behind by muggles. There was a Coke bottle holding a mysterious clear liquid, a garden knee pad with random bird etchings and a carved wood knife, engraved with the same birds and other random sketches. By themselves, they were odd, but together, they were a fascinating enigma. We wondered who the person was who left behind their collection, but decided it was now ours and claimed our sweet, sweet Trail Treasure. We found plenty of ways to entertain ourselves with said goodies.
It wasn’t long before the first Eagles made their way back, led by Freeloader. 4 Ways later spilled the rest of her Beer and was called out by the other half dozen Hashers at the Check, who told her to drink to the foam!
After a while, the rest of us at Thunders’ Beer Check decided to head back to Camp. Just as we were about to, Ska showed up. She got knocked down (but she got up again) and badly scraped her knee, so we gathered a few supplies to help her clean it up and “blow rubble out of the boo-boo.”
We started back and it wasn’t long before we were sitting in lawn chairs and enjoying a refreshing beverage. We were still waiting quite a while for the DFL’s to return, so we actually had time to take a freezing cold shower and make dinner. (It was far colder than the Beers earlier, but at least I got out all the bug spray from my hair.)
Circle began and Kitty welcomed our Returners. Our visitors all bugged out and we had no Virgins, so the whole drinking-from-the-shoes bit was anticlimactic.
The Hares were brought forth and were praised for the super short Trail, having insufficient beverages, length, dirt and mud, bugs and bootyful views. In fact, they received high praise from Teenee, who proclaimed that with 2 Beer Checks and a Shot Check, what else do you need?
Darby was streamered for 69 Aloha Hashes and enjoyed a refreshing inverted beverage. Huzzah!
Thunder was honored for the occasion of her 1-year Hash-iversary, where she was first given her musical moniker. In honor of this, she called into the Circle anyone who wanted to partake in a game of ThunderDrunk, with participants partnered up to keep the game a bit more challenging. Double Dipped Tip stepped in to play with wine, which proved interesting for those long interludes between the Thunders.
Teenee has visited one of the San Diego Kennels the week prior and some poor fool had abandoned it in the corner of the On-Afters bar. Not one to leave a poor Hashit all by itself to be swiped by muggles, he kidnapped it himself and took it on a plane home to us. (I still think we should hold it ransom and demand they fly out here to reclaim their Hashit.)
Speaking of Hashit… it was Hashit time! Titless still had custody of the Hashit from when he doctored the Circle docs a couple weeks ago, so we were anxious to see our beloved once again and what he had adorned it with. On his travels to the Shire earlier in the year, he’d obtained a lovely bottle of strawberry lube, which was now strapped to the Hashit hand. Now when someone is stroked by the lifeless hand (the Stranger?), it will at least be lubed up.
Nominations were opened and several were called up for their transgressions.
The funniest bit was when Thunder was brought forth. Diddy called her out for something, and she immediately chucked the tangerine in her hand at him. It hit his Beer with a resounding thunk. Due to the “luke-cold” Beers at the Beer Check and of course the chemlight debacle of 2024, Thunder was unanimously reunited with the Hashit!
It was pitch black by then and Circle was brought to a close. Meanwhile the firepit was going again and we dragged chairs over and enjoyed the warmth and company for a few hours. While people headed to bed one-by-one, several of us stayed up and enjoyed the scenery in another late-night stroll, pissing the night away with a handle of Fireball and keeping up our fellow campers.
Sometime in the wee hours after Nasty and I headed to bed, Thunder declared that the fire pit wasn’t hot enough and gave it a high five to check the temp. Yep, it was indeed hot. The next morning, we awoke to see what had occurred while we slept. The firepit had been moved a few inches and there were chemlight-sized scorch marks and melted glow sticks in the grass.
While enjoying a coffee, we were bored and itching for antics, so a dozen of us decided we wanted to play a game of ThunderDrunk. Of course, Thunder was still sleeping, so we decided to gather around her tent and serenade her with a flash mob while playing her song and adlibbing with♪♫Na-na-na na-na-na-na, HASHIT! ♪. Someone unzipped the tent and peeked in on her, but she was out cold. It took a second round and before she woke up and dutifully jumped in.
A couple hours later we broke out the champagne, juice and all the fixings for Bloody Mary’s and paraded around the picnic table in the longest Trail of the weekend. They were so worth the wait! Thunder wanted Titless to make a drink for her, so he grabbed her vessel and made a rather unique grog. As a special surprise, he threw in a whole banana, which she tried to fish out while her vessel was full. It only slipped back in, and her fingernails scraped the sides of it, so when she finished the drink, she was left with a rather interesting garnish.
Since our fellow camp mates near the bathrooms were blasting music from their nearby truck and it was only audible when we got close, it’s safe to say our drunken shenanigans were just as private. The only issue we had was when we were standing around listening to music and a muggle stopped to watch us and film. That is, until Diddy walked toward him with his own phone out and the dude decided it wasn’t worth the trouble. Safe to say he’ll let us listen to The Lonely Island in peace next time.
Soon after, we began to pack up. One by one, we loaded the vehicles and then did a final sweep for trash and Trail Treasure. A few things were left behind, so we grabbed them to being back for next time. Jefe was the last to leave camp and someone stole their Yeti cooler as he was loading up the car. Booooo!
Our tents may have been knocked down, but we got up again. Despite the proximity to traffic and the far distance from the bathrooms, it was fabulous having 7-11 so close for coffee and ice. I can’t wait to piss the night away with you all again, but next time, I’ll sit the Chumba one out! I didn’t get knocked down, but you’re never going to bring me down with that shit again!
-Gex