Hash Trash AH3 #1735 – 1 JUN 2024

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1735 (Déjà vu)

The Tunnels to Showers Hash

Hares: Pipe Cleaner, Tummy Sticks & DHL 

So, there I was…

We pulled into the parking lot and were excited to see so many Returners. Once everyone had paid Hash Cash (well, most did- *cough* *PayPal* *cough*) the Pack was gathered for Chalk Talk and introductions. This was when we got a true taste of the glorious getup worn by none other than the Birthday Gurl himself, DHL! He strutted up with a Birthday Girl sash and a glittery birthday hat perched atop his Trail hat. Dayum, gurl… get it! After a quick group photo, Hares were away!

While waiting, the Pack got a a chance to check out the new prospective Aloha shirts! They had a chance to feel the stretchy fabric and see what each size and fit looked like and were treated to an expertly executed and not at all awkward fashion show that ensued. They look fabulous with the perfectly coordinating new blue shiggy socks, available for purchase before Trail. (Throw all your Doll Hairs at Hab and score yourself some sweet, sweet swag!) Soon enough, it was time go time!

We set out from the park and the Hares immediately led us through an overgrown field and up through neck-high grass along the hill, with absolutely no way to see where our feet were going to land. Along the way, we spotted some suspiciously inedible flagging tape marking Trail. I snagged a piece and confirmed it was neither tasty or ingestible and tucked it away to present later. Only a few stumbles happened where we found holes and rocks instead of solid ground in that tall grass. Luckily, that section was short-lived, because the bugs were out in force.

That section took us up to a residential alley and back onto the street for just a moment before we dropped down into a storm drain. DHL had told us that even if we saw marks for the Chickens to take, to go ahead and see him at the yhashhash Check before taking the shorter path. We saw marks for Chicken just before dropping down, but No DHL. (Turns out, he ended up being super far away on the Eagle section anyhow.)

We stepped into the tunnel, which made for an interesting time since my fleshlight was buried in the bottom of the bag strapped to my back. Several pitch-black moments later, we inched our way out into the light. Once we stepped out of the tunnel, we could see another, so I took a minute and grabbed my light to give myself a fighting chance to stay on my feet.

This tunnel was ribbed for her pleasure and also generously lubricated, which went perfectly with the low mood lighting. Once we exited that second tunnel, we saw that it emptied out onto a wide-paved drain. After just a couple moments of running, our hope of a quick pace was dashed when we saw the entire expanse was then covered with slime and algae that there was no way to avoid. Despite how how careful I was, banantics ensued and I surfed backwards on my knees and slid down the hill. Shockingly uninjured and hysterically laughing, I got back up and resumed chasing off after the Beer.

As we continued on, we soon made our way to higher ground and back up to the street. We wound our way through the neighborhood and found another Turkey/Eagle split, feeling certain the Beer was near. I mean, it had been over 1.5 miles at this point, surely, we’d spot the Hare soon, right? A few Intersections and suspicious Muggle interactions later, we finally spotted Tummy! That 2-mile Beer tasted delicious. Our rather large group was gathered on a roomy stretch of grass along a busy 4-lane road, and more than a few Muggles slowed down to give us the stink eye. (They must have been jealous of our refreshments.)

After a group photo with an impromptu bootyful view, we dispersed and carried on in search of Trail. We eventually found another park and saw a few other Hashers waiting around. There was brief confusion as to what our next steps were. Some said we would be shuttled back to Start, where Circle was waiting and others said Circle would be where we stood, with shuttles aiding in getting others to Start to grab vehicles or belongings. (This ended up being the case after all.)

At this point, we thirsty bunch decided to set up in a semi-remote spot and crack open a cold one while awaiting others to return. It turns out they were hanging out at DHL’s Beer Check. This adventure took us through all the tunnels, including one with a special appearance by the Birthday Gurl himself. DHL sat at a table wrapped like a birthday gift and set with candles like an eccentric fortune teller. All he was missing was the crystal ball and a 900 number. I mean, hey- if you’re going to man a Beer Check on your birthday, you might as well do it in style!

Meanwhile, those of us at Circle had a chance to meet a very special new Hasher. Crazy Whorez brought a kitten with her, and we got to say hello to all the adorableness. She even became one of us when Crazy wrapped her with a green Aloha streamer. Huzzah!

Still bored and waiting, the Hashit had a little too much time on its hands and got a little handsy. Plenty of high fives and good game taps ensued, along with a salmon check or two.

After what seemed like an eternity, the others made their way back and caught a quick ride back to Start to grab vehicles. It turns out the Eagles ran somewhere between 6 and 8 miles, depending on impromptu detours and Intersections. Once they had all returned and grabbed a beverage, Circle commenced!

Our RA, ThunderDrunk welcomed our Visitors, Returners and even a new Transplant, Runs Over the Children (ROTC)! Our Visitor showered the Kennel with gifts, including socks and koozies. Quite a few delinquent Hashers explained exactly why they made us Hash all alone and drank for their absence.

The Hares were honored for their clever use of all the tunnels as well as DHL’s elaborate set-up. The graffiti game was strong with this one and they were complimented on the scenery above and below ground. They were also called out for use of inedible tape on Trail.

Those who scored Trail Treasure were then called up. We haven’t had that many people called up for collecting Trail Treasure in quite a while! From shopping carts to street signs and Student Driver bumper stickers, we had it all. There was even a discarded Wolfman mask, placed in a way that looked deliberate and straight out of a horror film. There were plenty of decaying animals encountered on Trail, but luckily no one scooped one up to present at Circle. (See, we Hashers do make good choices sometimes!) Of course, there were also 2 weights that Kitty hefted all the way back.

Those of us who engaged in banantics or injured themselves were also called up. Hey, everyone loves a good surf on Trail now and again. Ain’t no shame in that game.

Then it was Hashit time! After very little deliberation, the beloved Hashit went to Kitty, who promised to add the 25-lb. weight as his addition. (There was subsequent discussion and a loose consensus that for every extra pound an item has after the first, they will have to carry the Hashit that many more weeks, while adding new items each week.) I wonder though- is this a wary warning, or a blatant dare? I can think of one or two Hashers who will take this challenge and run with it, dragging dead weight the whole way. At least it has a rugged strap (on) to help sling the already heavy thing around. (You’re welcome.)

This most important piece of business out of the way, the Pack sang a rousing verse of Swing Low and Circe was closed. Some scattered, but a large chunk of the Pack made the oh, so long journey to Pipe Cleaners for pupus, pizza, wine and a dip in the hot tub. Don‘t know how it happened, but one moment it was early and the next it was midnight. Much Mahalo’s for the hospitality and hosting, Pipe Cleaner. We always have a fabulous time at your house, and we appreciate you!

-Gex