Hash Trash Aloha H3 #1736
Hares: Nasty Gash, Geck Ho & Runs Over the Children (ROTC)
The World Oceans Day Hash
So, there I was…
It was a gorgeous afternoon for a hike, and we enjoyed the occasional gentle breeze as we began the pre-Hash trek to go drop off the massive rucks full of Beer. Nasty Gash and I had asked our new Transplant, Runs Over the Children (ROTC) to co-hare with us and she jumped at the chance to get her feet wet. We Hares had promised the Pack a naughty-cal Trail with everything the perfectly-coiffed Hall and Oates could ask for and had every intention of delivering.
Along the way, we kept bumping into a guy and his gorgeous doggo Kaya. Once at the point, we struck up a convo with him and learned he is a Transplant back for another few years. This was when I said something like, “Hey, you like hiking? Yeah? Nice. You like Beer? Sweet! Have we got a group for you…” He seemed very interested in seeing what Aloha was all about. We told him there would be an event beginning about an hour from then and he said he might be up for it, but wanted to hike to the pillbox first. We exchanged contact info and hurriedly set off to prepare for On-Start.
We arrived back with just enough time to change into Trail gear and lay down a quick Chalk Talk. The Pack would be following us a little earlier than usual at 3:15, so we relayed the meaning of the custom markings to ThunderDrunk and then it was time to ride (er, run) like the wind.
We took off with about 12 minutes until Pack Away, knowing we had a mile to cover. Along the way, we bumped into our prospective Virgin again. He said that Kaya had been going hard all day and was ready to head home, but that he really wanted to do Trail sometime soon and would definitely try to meet up with us later for drinks. Knowing we’d just burned away another few minutes of our head start, we said a quick goodbye and took off again.
It was only a moment or so later when my toe caught a rock jutting out from the ground that sent me squirrel jumping. I landed with all the dignity and grace of a rhinoceros, but scrambled back up so we could keep going. Sure, there were a few flesh wounds to contend with, but they would have to wait until we got to our Beer Check. During my low-level base-jumping attempt, ROTC managed to spill some of the pineapple rum concoction, but the last thing we wanted was to be caught by the FRB’s. (I can’t go for that, no can do.) All we could do was salute the boozy sacrifice and quicken pace.
We also laid out several Anchor Checks, where those who found them were to stop and wait for the next Hasher and then enjoy a rum (rim?) shot together. Cheers!
It didn’t take long before we arrived and had a chance to clean up the scrapes and survey the damage. There wasn’t much that could be done besides rinse the worst bits- it didn’t hurt much anyhow.
Soon enough, the Pack began to arrive and enjoy a brief respite under the lush canopy. There were boulders to sit on and smooth yacht rock tunes filtering through while they enjoyed ice cold Beer and pineapple rum with fresh pineapple chunks. The summer breeze made us feel fine, and our invitation to get nauti was met with appreciation. In addition to the abundance of Styx and ROCKS to be found at our Check, there was also plenty of shade. Besides getting (sea) sprayed in the face, what more could a nauty-cal Hasher want?
(Although I assured them over and over that “I’m alright,” our stand-in nurses, ROTC, Wet & Dirty and White Boy insisted on patching me up.) Several curious Hashers asked if there was anything else to see along the way or if the pillbox was far and we Hash-pointed them in the right direction, cautioning the imminent time Circle would be convening. Off they went with their roadies and set out to find adventure.
The Pack continued on, passed by the heart cave, arch, and then the blowhole that sounds like a roaring lion. They also encountered a rather large piece of potential Trail Treasure that seemed exactly like something Diddy would at least attempt to dead lift, if not drag back to Circle. We made sure to leave a note in flour for him discouraging this. The Pack wandered along the path with the gorgeous coastline on the left all the way to Nasty Gash’s Check, where his invitation to cum sail way and his yacht captain hat had everyone “standing at attention.” There was also a massive, erect pole just waiting for someone to wrap their hands around or twirl on.
While taking in the stunning scenery, they also spotted 2 Monk Seals celebrating World Ocean’s Day with fisticuffs and Diddy managed to catch it on video. Seems like they were making war out of nothing at all. Some of the Pack never even made it there, having decided to either keep it short or check out the caves and pillbox instead.
Given the length of trail and tight schedule with imminent gate closure, it was decided that the Pack No-No back to On-Start by a specific time. It wasn’t long before Nasty Gash arrived with his roving Beer Check, and we packed up to help him sweep our way back.
Since multiple Hashers decided to venture off and see the cave and pillbox, so they were still exploring by the time we arrived back.
Meanwhile, Fee set out the ChipMonk and shared her delightful spread. There were fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies and of course her famous moist muffs. She’d also prepared burritos, which were enjoyed rather eagerly by a few Harriettes.
Since we needed to move the vehicles before 7, we charged our Vessels, Circled up and festivities began. Our RA, ThunderDrunk, introduced the Aloha H3 Misman, although half weren’t present and apparently don’t exist. She then welcomed our Visitors from Guam-Guam-Guam (not a real place) and also asked our many Returners just why the hell they made us Hash all alone last week.
The Hares were brought forth and honored for the shitty Trail that had too much shiggy, but not enough sun, miles or Beer.
Then it was accusation time! With flawless timing, the absent Hashers began trickling in and joined us.
Those who who dared wear cranium gear in Circle were called out. Fee called me up for banantics and I was awarded a wee banana for the second time. Then, once all prodigal Hashers had returned from their off-book journey, Thunder called them into Circle and accused them of neglecting the designated start time for Circle and making their own Trail. I mean, you can go your own way, but you’ll sure as hell be called out for it!
Then it was Hashit time! Kitty paraded the Hashit forth and the addition was immediately obvious. Last week on Trail, Major found a large candle blow mold and Kitty cut the top into a flap and slipped the Hashit inside. The strap still allowed it to be easily slung, but everything was now contained within the impressive sheath.
Sack was called up for wearing slippahs on Trail and incidentally, rocking some seriously splendid Care Bear shorts. (They brought new meaning to the phrase “Care Bear Stare!”) As Wet & Dirty raised her Vessel above her head to call out the next person, all I could do was look down and try not to laugh. Unsurprisingly, she called me out for my expert ability to injure myself. Our new Transplant, ROTC, was then honored for not only volunteering to Hare so soon and being my nurse, but also called out for egregious alcohol donation. If you like Piña Coladas and getting caught by a rock, there’s a good chance you’ll be nominated. After an easy vote, it was decided that ROTC would take home the beloved Hashit! Although it was only her second week with us, this was a sure sign that the Pack truly felt she was already one of us. Huzzah! We can’t wait to see what she adds to it.
Knowing that the gate would be closing in mere moments, the On-Afters location was announced, a rousing round of Swing Low was performed, and Circle was closed. Then we all climbed into vehicles and made our escape. Everyone arrived at pretty much the same time and had a chance to see a spectacular sunset. Even though we were 30 minutes early, our 15-top was ready for us right as the last glimmer of sun slipped past the clouds. Shortly after we received our drinks, our new friend arrived and had a chance to meet the On-Afters crew. The fare was everything we’d cum to expect from the restaurant chain and the company was even better. It was a long drive home for nearly everyone, so most called it a night soon after finishing their orders. It was truly a fantastic way to celebrate World Oceans Day! I can’t tell you why, but this one will have me reminiscing for weeks to cum!
Your ever graceful First Mate,
-Gex