Hash Trash Aloha H3 # 1737
The Boxers and Bowties Hash
Hares: Fee Fi Fo Fuck, Diddy Kong Micro Dong, Cadbury, and Wack a Ho
So, there I was…
As we gathered at the park, people began to strip- down to their skivvies and adorn their necks with bowties. With our sexy little boxers and light-up accessories, our group looked like a casting call for Thunder(Drunk) from Down Under and I half expected people to drop it low while Ginuwine played in the background.
Once everyone had checked in with Hash Cash, we gathered round for Chalk Talk. (This is another friendly PSA to settle up with Hash Cash if you owe for past weeks or you happen to arrive late. PayPal is up and running!)
Our Hares explained that there would be a Turkey, Eagle and Chicken option to accommodate Hashers of all abilities. Once everything was explained, a quick group photo was snapped, and Hares were away!
A short time later, it was time for the Pack to follow! Eagles set out toward the shiggy, and Turkey and Chickens turned toward the main road and crossed over onto the path leading to the beach. As soon as we hit the sand, we had a feeling it would be a beach Beer Check and sure enough, we saw Fee waiting with a cooler just a moment later! There she waited with lime Jell-O shots and even a few Beers.
Those of us overachieving Chickens stuck around for a few minutes until everyone had passed through the Beer Check and then No-No’d our way back. There we waited at the picnic tables and enjoyed beverages until the others arrived.
Meanwhile, Turkeys finished up their libations and set off to find True Trail. The Turkeys and Eagles went up into the bush and some enjoyed views from atop the ridge and explored the shiggy that had eluded them for weeks.
There they spotted some signs on trees that suggested a lean-to in one direction and a secret in another. What, exactly, was this secret?
There was also graffiti that either wanted someone named Choo to be freed or indicated that Choo was indeed free for the taking. Better still, there was an angel painted as well as a less virtuous, but just as angelic symbol nearby. Like any good Trail, there were also plenty of ROCKS!
Soon enough, the Pack began making their way back. While we waited, 4 Ways to Italy set out an impressive spread of tacos for us to enjoy. It took a while for everyone to finally return, but miraculously, festivities began on time.
We Circled up and our RA, ThunderDrunk introduced our MisMan team, greeted the 2 Virgins, the Visitors and welcomed back the Returners. The Hares were honored for their shitty Trail and the delightful refreshments provided.
Then it was accusation time!
One of the Virgins and I were called out by Nadia for talking during Circle, but the rebutthole was that our ill-informed Virgin had no clue what the hell was going on and had soooo many questions. The charge was deemed buuullshit and the person who made her cum drank with us.
Laa-Laa called me up for allowing my head to involuntarily greet a low-hanging tree branch. There were no marks, but I did bring back Trail Treasure in the form of loose bark in my hair. Bonus!
Then it was time for honors!
I was honored for Haring 10 times and gifted a Super Hare patch. That done, it was time to celebrate Hashy milestones. Soooo many people were streamered!
Just Erica Hashed Aloha 6 times and received her first streamer. One of US! One of US! Hurley Bird Special, Princess Footlong and Catcher in the Thighs got 15. ThunderDrunk and 4 Ways to Italy received icy speedbumps for Hashing 50 times and Nadia Cum’N’EatMe for 75. Huzzah!
It was right about then that a group of people at the nearby playground began loudly complaining about our innocent ceremony. One person in particular declared herself the spokesperson and began screaming obscenities at us for cursing around her kids. Oddly, she wasn’t happy when the irony of that fact was relayed back to her. Shortly after, she and her band of followers abandoned the playground and skedaddled on their bikes and scooters. Buh-bye!
That out of the way, we were able to turn our attention back to the festivities. The Hares had a special prize for those with the best boxers and bow ties and several of us were called up. Teenee was one of a couple who were honored and took home the prize!
Since it was the US Army’s birthday, I honored those who were first to fight- for the right (to parrrrty!) and all present and past Army stepped into Circle for a Down-Down.
Anyone who bled their own blood was then called into Circle. Owl Fucker and Just Paige were presented with the high honor of receiving my patch for managing to follow in my ill-placed footsteps. Don’t be like Gex, Baby, but if you do, you’ll at least walk away with a boo-boo prize.
Then it was Hashit time! Last week’s recipient, ROTC, brought forth the Hashit and presented the newest addition- a pineapple with a Band-Aid, in honor of her impromptu medic duties on Trail. Whack a Ho was nominated for his poorly shut down Beer Check. Sadly, it was right about then that the parking lot was illuminated by flashing blue lights and Circle came to a screeching halt. Apparently, Kuku Karen called it in once she and her band of followers left. At least she made sure that they knew that Karen was spelled with a “C” and ended with “unt” when she left her name.
After a brief discussion where they learned the full story, they seemed satisfied that our group was not the problem and were all too happy to let us be on our way. They waited for us to clear out and once they realized that they were actually blocking vehicles from departing (oops?) they moved, and we were in the clear.
Most of the Pack made it to On-Afters, which was a burger joint known for being bigger. The location was busy, as usual and things were entertaining with the screaming Keiki at the adjacent table and the couple off in the bushes relieving themselves of excess alcohol. Still, I’ll take screaming keiki over screeching Karens any day.
C-U-Next-Tuesday (I mean Saturday),
-Gex