Hash Trash Aloha H3 # 1739
The Pride Hash
Hares: All You Need is Head, Parentis Interruptus, Dicklomat, Gayfully Employed and Friends
So, there I was…
Several of us pre-gamed at a lively spot known for their small, but mighty pitchers of Mai Tais and we grabbed a quick snack to preempt the immanent booze. Little did we know…
Soon enough, it was time to head to On-Start. A quick glance around at the colorful attire assured us that we’d understood the assignment. There more rainbows than a box of Lucky Charms and we started things out by getting properly lei’d. Glorious Jell-O shots were provided, and we had a little pre-game entertainment when ROTC was reunited with her forgotten shoes, and she sat on the ice block that they were held captive in. Our rather large group finally gathered around for Chalk Talk and a quick group photo and then we hit the Trail!
The Pack streamed through the park and shortly arrived at the first Check. There were more Jell-O shots on the sand and then we were back on our way. We made our way along the seawall, seeing a BN just before popping into the park and back onto the road.
We followed that road up along the marathon route, past the lookout point where hugs are freely given with Aloha and finally took a turn toward the water. Just at the end of the road, we saw the Hares waiting with ice cold Beer!
It was right about then that a large Tupperware with layered Jell-O materialized and was passed around. Diddy chugged about 8 shots worth and passed it on to the next.
Most then followed the beach and met up with the road shortly after, but a few of us headed back the way we came and back onto that same road to continue on. We passed between fences and colorfully-decorated brick walls as Diddy pushed the wheelchair and took great pleasure in overtaking pedestrians and cyclists alike while channeling Emperor Palpatine.
There were intersections that led us into a neighborhood, and we wove through those streets until we found our way back to the road and finally onto the path leading to the crater. We caught up with a couple other Hashers and after spotting the Hares from afar, we began singing “The Mayor of Bayswater” as we closed in on the Beer. There was a rather large group congregating at their Check, and we took a few minutes to relax and enjoy the patches of shade.
As we got to know some of the Visitors and Virgins standing around, I noticed that one bore an unholy resemblance to the Leica kid, Jamie, from Euro Trip. I couldn’t help but tell him he was the Doppel-banger of the worst twin ever. Oddly, he’d never been told that before and we had to show him a picture. Mi scusi, Mi scusi!
After we finished our refreshments, it was time to hit the road again, so off we went. It wasn’t long before we finished our loop of the crater and then crossed back into the park.
Several had gathered closer to the parking lot and the Chip Monk table set up there and snacks were waiting. We took a chance to grab a beverage and waited for the stragglers to arrive back.
Soon enough, it was time to Circle up! Virgins and Visitors were welcomed, and the Hares were brought forth to honor them for their fabulously Shitty Trail. (They were later accused of setting an exceedingly dangerous Trail. You naughty, naughty Hares…)
There was also much to celebrate. Whack-a-Hoe and 96 Super Hole were streamered for Hashing Aloha 15 times! Huzzah!
The it was Hashit time! Emperor Palpatine, I mean Diddy, was accused of trying to roll me down the hill. Earlier, a couple in a sweet car with an older gentleman and his gold-digging resourceful companion were chatting up Just Erica. Since she didn’t get into the car with them or try out more ambitious positions, she was accused of rejecting acceptable Hash behavior. Of course, some just can’t help but nominate Thunder, so she was dragged into the shitshow. ROTC was nominated for buying a ticket to Midget Wrestling, but not actually making it to the event and also leaving her shoes to be stolen and later frozen into a block of ice. Ultimately, these infractions were enough to seal the deal, and it was ROTC who was honored with the Hashit and reigned supreme!
It was right about then that the wheels began to fall off the bus and it was decided that Just Erica would be named at Campout! Moments later, Circle was closed, and ON-Afters was announced. As we were headed out, a ginormous pile of Jell-O shots was dropped into my lap, so I passed them around and we made our way back for more mini pitchers of Mai Tais.
We got inside and saw how packed the place was, but a man sitting alone at a large, reserved table gestured for us to join them. He was there to see his partner perform that evening and welcomed us to join him, gifting me a purple orchid lei in the process. As we enjoyed the incredible vocals and guitar, we got to know him a little and found the artist’s socials so we could follow him. We even got a chance to meet him after and he was gracious, not batting an eye that a loud group of randos had seemingly taken over the area.
Only after we were properly liquored up did we leave that location and hit the On-Afters-Afters. It was a particularly busy night, so the line for the single shared bathroom was painfully long and the wait to sing was even longer. Eventually, it was our turn to sing, which allegedly involved drunkenly telling some mister that we’d make a man out of him. Now that had a chance to shoot our shot, it was time to salvage any remaining dignity and head out. After walking for just a minute or two, the full force of those Mai Tais hit and any plans to continue the evening were quickly abandoned and we veered toward the hotel instead. Solid plan, indeed.
Morning came far too quickly for many of us and after a rough couple hours, country potatoes and hashbrowns saved the day. (Uber Eats guy, you are a true hero, my dude!) We rallied and slowly began packing up to check out. It was only a short time until it was time to meet up for brunch, so after a quick stop for electrolytes, we were ready for Drag Bingo!
We met up with the Pack and the host checked us in and brought us upstairs. We were stoked to see that Aloha had 3 large tables and one was front row, right in front of the stage. They had decorated the tables with Pride flags, temporary tattoos, leis, and bracelets and provided us with welcome pineapple mimosas. Tara Way and Candy Shell were our hosts, with special guest Princess B and they made sure to meet each one of us and even remembered a few of our names later. Thunder asked her to repeat her name and Tara explained that it’s pronounced like “tear away,” which prompted Thunder to ask if she could tear away her belt with her teeth later. Tara agreed and turned to me and said with a wink, “Sarra you have kinky friends!” I wouldn’t have it any other way! (Oh, and yes, the belt was history just a short time later!) When Wet & Dirty won a round, Candy mentioned that she was part of our group and gave us a little free publicity. Hey, Girl, Heeey- thanks for the love!
Just before things kicked off, someone found the dog tag machine at the back of the restaurant and created a custom luggage tag for a fellow Hasher. It was formatted like a lost dog tag with their Hash name, and it teased them in some way. That person then chose someone else to create one for and it turned into a mini-roast pay-it-forward thing until everyone had one of their own. Even funnier than the hilarious declarations each boasted, many of them were riddled with spelling errors, which made them all the funnier.
While this was happening, our hosts began calling Bingo and they entertained us with lively tunes and dances in between each round. Every time a number was called that ended with a 6, we were instructed to add, “Suck a bag of dicks!” which we proudly obliged.
As things were cumming to a close, Tara and Candy made sure to let us know that Drag Bingo happened monthly, so we’d be able to cum again and again. We also had a chance to get up on stage for a group photo with our fabulous friends. Laa-Laa also mentioned being able to get everyone onto the booze cruise run by his buddies, but many of us either already had plans or needed to go home and crash. Maybe next time we can plan it out a little earlier and try again?
Drag Brunch was truly a fantastic end to an epic Pride weekend. Mahalo to the Hares for giving us such a fun Trail! See you all at Campout!
-Gex