Hash trash Aloha H3 #1740
July 4th Campout Hash
Hares: Hello Shaved Kitty, All You Need is Head, Peter Beater Ant Feeder, Laa-Laa
So, there I was…
We arrived at Camp and chose a spot high up on the hill, a littler further from the Trailhead this time. (That was our first mistake.) It was a decent spot that was relatively flat, although not exactly level. (Error #2.) It was close to the vehicles and the terrain was ideal for pulling the cart up and down, but it was 10 miles form the bathroom. (On a roll here, huh? My decision-making skills were on fire.) It wasn’t long before Nasty Gash had our tent pitched and we were able to relax.
Others began arriving, including the long-awaited return of Cocktoberfest! We all cracked open beverages and drank the evening away. There was another chance to earn a ThunderDrunk patch.
Nocturnal brought his pizza oven and created the most phenomenal pies for us late into the night Friday and Saturday, but light of a headlamp. Several of us burnt out mouths and hands because we couldn’t wait to eat it, temperature be damned.
CocktoberFest left his bones lying around on Friday night (among other things) and I swiped them to see how long it would take to notice. Several of also took a short late-night stroll and sat around the firepit holding choir practice until the wee hours. At one point, Cocktober tumbled and launched himself over the fire, scorching his knee just a bit.
Nocturnal Mission lived up to his name on Friday night by streaking through the woods at full speed with nary an article of clothing, all while sleepwalking. I think this must be an Aiea Loop campout thing, because I seem to recall another beloved Hasher streaking from the showers. (Digging, you ROCK!) Sensitive Starfish alerted everyone else that something was amiss and they were able to ensure he was good to go.
The next morning, Titless laid a Trail Cheez-Its into the tent where Cocktoberfest was sleeping and attempted to lead more cocks into the space. Cocktoberfest, indeed!
A few hours after he finally emerged, someone asked him how much he remembered about the night before, but things were foggy. Eventually, someone asked about his Bones and he mentioned he’d lost not only those, but also his wallet. (Luckily, they were safely in the shorts he’d been wearing.)
While we lazy wanks sat around Camp and enjoyed the morning, the Hares slipped away to go pre-lay Trail. After they were on their way back, we learned that a large group of punks kicked out all the marks, causing them to have to go back and fix them. We saw that ginormous group emerge from the Trailhead and take over one of our Camp spaces and we almost walked over and made them leave. Realizing it was nowhere near as bad as the infamous Boy Scout Incident of Thanksgiving Campout 2023, we just waited for them to leave instead.
Soon enough, the Pack began to arrive for Trail and we were impressed by the turnout. They came out in full force that day, sporting their finest tribute to Ol’ Glory. There were Stars and Stripes, necklaces, sunnies and festive socks that not only announced the ungrateful peasants’ treasonous holiday, they kicked down the door. ‘Murrica!
The Hares gave a brief run-down at Chalk Talk, then we blew them off. Nocturnal snapped a group photo and soon enough the Pack was away!
There was one Trail to get to Beer Check 1, where the Pack found Head! (Who said Head?) Shortly after, there was a Super Eagle split, where Super Eagles had to descend a super steep, slippery potion of the mountain down to the stream. They then followed stream then up mountain, finding scattered wreckage of a B-24 Liberator that crashed shortly after departing Hickam on May 5, 1944. The Super Eagles were enlightened by Burning Ring of Fire, who recognized a lot of the pieces. Some of the parts were still identifiable, while others were beginning to blend into the terrain. It was quite humbling to be standing amongst the debris and be able to see it up close.
Trail then joined up with the Turkey/Eagle split and found Kitty and Laa-Laa at Beer Check 2. At this particular mound of the mountain, there were other sights to see. Despite the high elevation, far away from civilization, there was a Golden Arches spotting. Apparently, there’s a little McDonalds in everyone- who knew? Later, there was a bootyful view.
Then they left, found another split and Eagles got a chance to do some extra credit imbibing. They soon found a stone and mortar building called Shangri-La that bid them welcome, which was where they found the Hare! Peter Beater’s Check had blue raspberry lemonade vodka and strawberry margarita shots. Adding his patch into the mix, he truly put the BLEW into Red, White, and Blue! Then much group stretching ensued, so the field looked like a class of 5th graders getting ready capture a flag. They left that Check and made their way On-Home.
Although the Pack was ready to get started, we had to wait for RA to shower to do Circle. While waiting, ROTC cut out the liner of her shorts and added that to the Hashit.
Eventually, we gathered round and opening ceremonies of the shit show began! The Virgins were called into Circle and introduced themselves. Centurions were then called up to demonstrate proper technique for a Down Down for those who came from their dad’s balls. Gayfully was still on duty for one more minute, so the Pack slowed down the Down Down song to wait out those sixty seconds. Then he was able to raise a vessel the Centurions and show the Virgins how it’s done! The Hares were then brought forth and honored for their shitty Trail.
Then it was accusation time! Non-Campers were violated, as well as Never Leave Campers. The Hares were accusing of Hare lies about the marks-destroying high schoolers because they’d given themselves an excuse for shitty marks before Trail had even begun.
Just Jaime, the Virgin that ROTC brought, was called forth. They were all stopped at the Beer Check and pulled out a stick of string cheese. It was smashed and melted and oozed within the bounds of its plastic prison, to which she replied, “Warm cheese!” This piece of information was announced while she was before the Pack at Circle, who at first gagged at the very thought, but then roared with laughter. We shouted out that that was true Hash behavior and began calling out Hash names. It was then that Thunder invoked a little-used tradition of providing a spot name for someone. After just a moment, our newest Virgin and became “Liquid Smegma.” Uzzah! One of us! One of us!
Cocktober was called in for launching himself over the firepit and getting a wee bit burnt and once more for leaving his Bones to be ransomed by Gex. Those who held up Circle to take a shower were fingered. Sack was called out for visiting NapH3 during Circle and Kitty for being a scaredy cat. Wet and dirty and whiteboy and gayfully were accused of sitting one row apart at the Matt Rife show, but not noticing one another until much later in the evening. While this was being discussed, it was revealed that Catcher and Crazy were also present.
This it was time for honors!
ROTC and Just Paige were streamered for Hashing Aloha 6 times and Penetration received one for 75. Huzzah! America was honored for celebrating a birthday and all Hashers had a Down Down in her honor. Sensitive Starfish was honored for alerting the Campers about Nocturnals’s sleepwalking and helping light the way with her glow-in-the-dark collar. Teenee said the Trail was in his all-time top 5! There were tales of injuries great and small, so anyone who Gexed themselves was call into Circle and honored with a patch. In total, I gave out 9. Well done, you I.D.I.O.T.S.! Nocturnal was honored for his unbelievably tasty pizza skills and those who had a birthday were given spankings and crawled through everyone’s legs.
I also have a belated honor and special shout out to Nasty Gash, who not only humped our crap up and down that hill by himself and pitched a tent solo, but also assisted several others with theirs. He also helped carry the firewood and Beer coolers up and down like a champ.
Then it was Hashit time!
ROTC brought forth the Hashit and she had strapped on a wee wrestling belt, along with her shorts liner.
Nasty Gash was called in for accidentally leaving out all the freshly cooked food and having to go buy more. Nocturnal Mission was called in for his Nocturnal Mission. After a near unanimous decision, it was decided that Nocturnal earned the highest honor!
Sadly, it was almost time for the gate to be locked up for the night, co Circle came to a close. While we were all standing around, Nocturnal set the Hashit down for a moment and Liquid Smegma ran up and snagged it. He chased her around the Camp until the retrieved it. Those that weren’t Camping GTFO and the rest of us settled in and sat around the fire. DDT captured a roaring fire that emitted strange demonic sounds, which wasn’t creepy at all. More choir practice ensued and we sat around until we all got tired and headed to bed.
The next morning, we made breakfast and enjoyed our traditional mimosas. While sitting around, a new Hash song was born, to be debuted soon. As we were packing up, I found Cocktober’s entire outfit from Friday on the picnic table by our tent. Musta been in quite a hurry to drop trou there and then. (Yes, I gave it back to him right away.)
There was also another round of the ThunderDrunk game. Right after, some wanted to play again, but a couple of us had a belly full of guitar-solo chugs and opted out. This time, I suggested taking a slow-mo video while the song was playing at a fast speed so the video fps would equal out. It was fun watching everyone enjoy faster sips and then having it suddenly slow down dramatically when it was Thunder’s turn on the long guitar solo. Eventually, we finished cleaning up Camp and began heading out to go take a real shower and much-needed nap.
I gotta say, it’s always a fabulous time at Campout, getting to make new friends and spend down time with old ones, but I think this may be my favorite Aloha Campout yet.
‘Murrica!
-Gex