Hash Trash Aloha H3 #1743
Gispert’s Birthday Hash
Hares: ThunderDrunk, Just Paige, Peter Beater Ant Feeder, and Dr. Teenee Weenee
So, there I was…
Once a year, we Hashers around the world honor our founding (Hash) father Gispert on his birthday. This year, Aloha H3 marked this occasion with a Trail promising both high elevation and great distance. We made our way to Chalk Talk, where our Hares made a point to emphasize the need to only do Eagle if they felt capable if going at a faster pace and could handle the elevation. Once the Hares were certain everyone heard their instructions and understood the assignment, we blew them off and followed shortly after.
Eagles and Turkeys headed to the Trailhead and headfirst into the Shiggy, but several of us decided to take the long path down to the Chicken Check. The trek all the way to that location was absolutely exhausting and we weren’t sure we’d have enough energy to make it back, so we took our time and hydrated a little extra, just to be sure. Finally, we finished our drinks before No-No’ing back to On-Start.
As we were sitting around waiting for Circle and enjoying icy beverages, we learned (while scrolling on Facebook) that Laa-Laa and Trail Taco got married that morning! Cheers!
Although the Pack had been instructed to be back on time, it was well after 6 and several still hadn’t emerged from the Shiggy. Once we got word that they were back on solid ground, White Boy did everyone a solid and jumped into his truck to go collect them so we could get things started.
Once everyone was finally back, everyone Circled up and we kicked off the shitshow!
Our Virgin, Just Tabitha, was welcomed and shown how to do a proper Down-Down. Then the many Returners graced us with their presence and had a collective drink. The Hares were then called in and thanked for such a shitty Trail. It was also the first time Just Paige had every Hared!
Then it was time to honor a few Wanks who need to get a life! Titless was brought forth and streamered for his 100th Aloha Hash and thus inducted as a Centurion. Huzzah! Then, 2 Knuckles was streamered for 75, Sweep the Leg for 50 and Mt Vepupius for 15.
Then it was accusation time! The Hares were accused of telling Hare lies by saying there would be no intersections on Trail, but there was a valid Rebutthole because it was indeed announced at Chalk Talk.
Nocturnal was accused of claiming that Harriette’s didn’t show titties at the Check, but he was promptly proven wrong with an abundance of areola. Just Lachlan was called forth for flaunting horticulturist jargon and being “smart” on Trail.
White Boy was accused of being one of the first 3 Eagles at the Shot Check and leaving behind Teenee’s backpack instead of bringing it to the Beer Check as requested. In rebutthole, he was told that it was just Teenee’s personal stash, so he left it there. It was later determined that it was HASH beer. He was then told to stay in Circle because there was yet another accusation. The Eagles were super late because they only performed at a medium pace and were nowhere near the On-Home, so he chivalrously auto-Hashed to go retrieve the delinquent Hashers.
Burning was accused of starting trail an hour earlier, but he was long gone and couldn’t perform a Down Down himself. Instead, we had Diddy stand in because he was now part of the Over-40 club.
Then it was Hashit time! Nocturnal finally brought the Hashit back, so we had a chance to award it to someone especially deserving. Many transgressed and many made sense, but it was ultimately presented to Laa-Laa for getting secretly married and then just casually showing up to Trail and keeping that info to himself.
We then celebrated Gispert’s birthday with a cake with a picture of his face so we could all have a taste of the OG, G, himself. Fee also brought our cupcakes with Diddy Kong toppers to commemorate the occasion of Diddy turning the big 4-0. (Welcome to the club, my dude!)
One last order of business was still to come. Nocturnal was called forth into Circle and the Pack regaled us with tales of Trails gone by. We talked story about the tasty molten cheese pizzas baked fireside at Campout to the spectacular nocturnal reenactment of how he got his Hash name. We then had a chance to present his Departer Foot signed by the Pack and sang a solemn version of Piss Off. There was also a Departer foot customized for Lick Stick, but she gave us the ol’ Irish Goodbye before this occurred, so we never got the chance to present it to her. Piss off, ya Wanks!
It was quite dark by then, so announcements were made and Circle was closed. Several headed to ON-Afters and kept the festivities going. It was a long drive back from Hawaii Kai, so then rest of us peaced out and headed home.
Once more, we wish Happy Birthday to our Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Hash Daddy, Gispert.
On-On!
-Gex