Hash Trash Aloha H3 # 1748
Labor Day Campout
Hares: Pipe Cleaner, Peter Beater, Hello Shaved Kitty
So, there I was…
At long last, Campout time had finally arrived! We’d just seem the end of one nasty little weather system and another was making its presence known as we made the drive through Waianae. At least the sky was finally clearing as we drove those last few miles.
We were the first to arrive and camp and got right to work pitching a tent. It was erected quickly, much to my satisfaction. Camp was right along the water, separated by a short, rocky path, but at least there were no hills to deal with. We couldn’t have picked a better spot.
It began raining soon after the finished, so the windows were zipped up tight and we had to make the choice between sweltering in the now unbearably hot tent or braving the pelting rain outside. Outside, it was. It wasn’t long after that the sky finally stopped spitting and we were able to enjoy the sunshine and cool ocean breeze.
This time, we were sandwiched between two large groups. The furthest one was a lively group who seemed to really enjoy fishing and very loud music until the wee hours. The other wasn’t really an issue, except for erecting a large blow-up splash pool in the narrow walking space directly in front of the bathroom and shower. Our annoyance at having to walk around it soon turned to jealousy and then awe as we realized we could totally do the same thing. *Noted.*
Later that evening, The HareRaising Party kicked off and everyone took turns choosing new Hare dates through December 2025. Prizes like chalk, bio tape and booze were among the swag taken home. There was even a sweet grilling tools set and custom patches given away. No one really played party games because the weather played games with us instead. We sat around the campfire until around 12:30, when the sky opened up and the Pack scattered like roaches back to their tents.
The next morning, we had a mass Starbucks run and sat around enjoying the morning and relatively mild weather. It seemed like the storm was finally clear and the sky was absolutely gorgeous. More campers began to arrive and we helped them pitch their tents and hoist canopies.
As we sat around the picnic table in the shade doing absolutely nothing, White Boy was sharpening the LABIA knife. After a few moments, we noticed that he’d quickly stood up and ran to grab something from the tent. When he returned, he had a first aid kit in one hand and his other was closed tight in a fist. We asked if he’d hurt himself, to which we got little response. He was trying to simultaneously open the first aid kit bag one-handed, but was now bleeding profusely and not having much success. Wet & Dirty jumped in and helped finish.
A short time later, it was time to gather the Pack and start loading into vehicles to the B location. Soon shuttles began departing and the Pack was away!
Those of us who knew the chances of a Trail being a boiling hot mess chose to forgo the inevitable certainty of steep inclines, beating sun and infrequent hydration. Instead, we gleefully enjoyed the shade beneath the cluster of canopies. There wasn’t much of a breeze going, but it could have been worse.
At least we had the chance to enjoy the neighbor’s very eclectic, intensely loud music. After a while, it became too much to ignore and the collective decision was made to pull out a speaker of our own. We joked about doing bad karaoke, but ultimately decided we didn’t want to torture ourselves in the process.
Once the oh, so mellow strains of death metal blared from our speaker, all other sounds were drowned out. Now, I can’t be sure how, but rumor has it that our speaker was somehow turned away from us and pointed in an entirely different direction. After just a few moments, their music was decidedly quieter, so it’s possible they realized how intrusive their volume was and self-corrected. Right about then, there were random fireworks sounds emitting from our speaker which upset the doggos, so we changed tactic and found something enjoyable to listen to at a respectful level.
As we sat there sweltering, we came up with more ideas for next campout. Procuring more canopies were discussed, but also the idea of attaching box fans, tarps and string lights to the rails was a stroke of absolutely genius. Sure, it sounds like a lot of work and perhaps a bit unrealistic, but we’ll blame it on the heat.
96 Super Hole gave all of us a Never Leave Camp bracelet, which we proudly wore. All the never leave camp pups enjoyed time in the shade and did their best to stay cool. It was noted that Oakley has yet to be named and we sat around discussing possibilities. Since he’d really seemed to enjoy greeting his fellow doggos, we tossed around the idea of Knob Gobbler and it really seemed to stick.
At some point, White Boy was called to shuttle exhausted humans and pups back to camp. The temps and lack of shade had proven too much to bear and they were all quite grateful for his chivalry.
It was quite a while between when the last of the Turkeys arrived back and the Eagles and Hares finally returned.
As we waited for the rest of the exhausted pack to return to camp, we heard a loud bang. It took a moment or two to realize it came from the water. We noticed a large party boat surrounded by 4 smaller vessels that seemed to be swarming it. After several tense moments of everyone on the boat not moving a muscle, they began to jump off rather quickly. It looked like the other boats were beginning to depart, they resumed circling. The flare went off twice more and the odd behavior had several of us transfixed. We weren’t sure if it was a vessel in distress and they were assisting, if they were being aggressive or if it was maybe a film crew with different rigs and they were resetting shots. Whatever the case, it was bizarre.
Once everyone was back, it was finally time to Circle up!
Oddly, there were no Virgins nor Visitors at Circle. It’s was only our oh, so delinquent Returners Gayfully, McFlappy and Puddles who finally decided to grace us with their presence. We missed you, ya wanks!
Then it was time for honors!
Puddles and Peter were awarded a patch for being a Super Hare! White Boy was honored for shuttling so many back to Camp when conditions got too rough. ♫ He’s a True Hash hero! ♫ Just Lola, McFlappy’s pup, was streamered for 6 Hashes and when her streamer was draped across her back, she preened and posed like a show dog. Werk!
The Eagles were honored for their sheer will and fortitude by making it all the way to the Kitty Beer Check at the top.
Right about then, we noticed that several wanks had wandered off and were staring up at the sky. We took a quick pause and were just in time to enjoy a glorious sunset as it dipped below the clouds. A moment later, festivities resumed.
Then it was accusation time!
Diddy was violated for shitting on Trail and Nasty Gash tossed out the name “Shitty Kong MD.” Tummy was called out for for blood on Trail and White Boy blood for bleeding just sitting around at Camp.
The Hares were called forth for unnecessary fuckery by moving the beer check further uphill and for the abysmal heat and lack of adequate hydration and shade.
Although Trail was merely an out-and-back, it was also a vertical wonderland complete with rolling hill and ankles, abundant cacti and pricks, and of course cows and paint rollers in the wild. The weather was punishing and more than on Hasher cursed the hares. In fact, McFlappy told Peter “This trail sucked, so when we sing “Shitty Trail” we actually mean it this time.”
Then it was Hashit time!
Diddy brought forth the Precious and proudly showed off the multitude of bees he’d added to it. Let me tell you, it was a BEEautiful to sight to behold!
Someone tossed in Thunder as a nomination (come on now, let’s give the Hashit proper respect), but it was ultimately Diddy Kong who hoisted the Hashit high.
Now, there are many perks to being the RA. When visitors Hash with us, they’ll often bring a gift for the RA. With those perks, there are also burdens. They have a responsibility to control the weather and will be blamed when they inevitably lay down on the job and it rains. Lest we forget, they will also be a default nominee for the Hashit. Remember, friends, it’s all about balance. Free occasional socks with the smattering of Hashit duty.
Announcements were made and Circle was closed. Those who weren’t Camping headed out since they surely had a long trip home, but those who were staying settled in around the campfire and enjoyed the fairly decent temps.
Some played cards at the picnic table and the rest of us last wanks sat around the fire talking story. It was a gorgeous night to look up at the stars and gaze at the Milky Way. Suddenly, the sky lit up and a glorious fireworks show ensued. It was rather impressive and lasted several minutes. There were a few duds in the pack and we briefly wondered if Uncle had lost a few fingers in the process of shooting his shot. Guess we’ll never know. (Ya good, Uncle?)
It wasn’t long before we got word that the Po-Po was rolling up to nearby camps looking for the culprits. Lucky for us, we weren’t trying to shoot our load so we had nothing to worry about and carried about our bidness.
At one point as the fire was dwindling, something was thrown onto the fire and the smoke funneled directly at me and became thick and choking. By some type of sorcery, I was able to move and it didn’t follow. As we ran out of firewood and had to resort to using beer boxes, other cardboard and I believe, fast food sauce packets.
Rumer has it, sometime around the midnight hour, adventurous wanks decided to stay up and beat the heat by taking a midnight stroll. Choir practice never really happened this campout, but my throat was raw from the smoke anyhow.
The next morning, we broke camp and loaded up the vehicles. We only had one spicy caterpillar sighting this time. Let’s just say I’m pretty sure DDT was glad it wasn’t discovered until after their tent came down, because there was a respectably sized centipede beneath it.
It was decided that the HO Hash would take place a couple miles up the road, so the Pack departed Camp and drove to the location.
There, our Hares gave a brief Chalk Talk and soon enough, the Pack was away! We took the lengthy journey from the parking spots and across the street into the cave, where we beheld sacred offerings and skeletal cats alike. Once we made our way back to the Start to grab a vessel, we continued to follow marks. Most of the Pack descended the hill to the water, but it was too steep for a few of us and we stayed at the top. We popped the champagne and POG and enjoyed the delightful combo. Soon enough, the rest of the Pack returned and joined us. We opened Circle and the songbooks were brought forth so we could sing songs about all the Hos who’d gone before us. Once the last drop of champagne was drunk, we closed Circle. Everyone said their goodbyes and began the Tolkien length journey back to civilization.
(P.S.: Miss your weekly Trash fix? Send your Trail deets to your broken Scribe, ya wanks!)
-Gex