Hash Trash Aloha H3 #1749
The Bizarro Hash
Hares: ThunderDrunk, Wet & Dirty, Peter Beater Ant Feeder
So, there I was…
The Pack gathered in an all-too-familiar place and most of us knew what to expect as we checked in with Hash Cash. Once someone paid their fees, they were given a shiny new name tag that boasted their Bizarro name. In some cases, it was somewhat opposite their Hash name, but others were a nod to other events or personality traits. This was no exception, with the reappearance of The Mayor of Kailua (Mr. Mayor, Sir!) along with new monikers like Mermaid Man, Harlot in the Rye, All Roads Lead to Kitchen, Bigus Dickus, and Mr. Luigi Mega Penis.
In honor of the innately backwards nature of the Bizarro Hash, everything is reversed.
Moments later, snacks and beverages were available as we awaited Circle.
Chipmonk really outdid herself this time with a ginormous meat tower and everyone was welcome to partake in the wonderous spread right away.
BeerMeister brought out the beverages and the revelry commenced. Once everyone had a chance to grab a snack and charge their Vessel, it was time to kick things off and Circle began!
There was no movie set being erected this time, so at least we weren’t dealing with a film crew hovering with equipment cases or ducking under cranes as we sang our most colorful songs mere feet away.
In keeping with tradition, a celebratory shot was provided. This time, it consisted of penis bottles with a pinkish liquor inside. The bottles that contained the mysterious liquid were glorious and we sent our ABQ Visitors home with them as a souvenir.
The Bizarro Hash is all about keeping things positive, so the occasion focused solely on Honors, of which there were many!
Fee was honored for being a quitter, having retired from the Army the day before. Huzzah! Anyone who was a Virgin Bizarro Hasher was also called into Circle.
A special honor was given to the absent Taking the D for a B for the birth of a Bizarro Trail, with recollections of the various names born at the Krampus Hash.
Those who managed to get hurt on their own Trail were honored, as were those whose injuries required an actual trip to the hospital. (Special honors were for those who had an actual hospital stay.)
All members of MisMan were honored and thanked for their service.
Those who saved people on Trail were brought forth, as were those who somehow needed saving. Individuals whose Trails inadvertently almost killed someone were called forth, along with those who missed the inaugural Bizarro Hash due to catching COVID at RDR. Of course, anyone who had earned the Hashit at some point during the year was brought forth.
Chipmonk was honored for her tasty spread, especially the impressive meat tower.
Those who had Hared in the last year, as well as anyone who had hosted a Pau Hana or Hash event were called forth.
Then it was Hashit time! Mr. Luigi Mega Penis brought forth the precious prize and showed the latest addition, consisting of a small brown turd in honor of his campout Trail extra credit activities. Although Catcher and Diddy were nominated, it was White Lightning who received the highest honor.
When she attempted to drink from the Hashit, the recent addition of bees somehow compromised the plug and the liquid gushed right out. It was briefly lamented that the Hashit has been violated and that future Hashits should be protected for future Down Down purposes.
Quick announcements were made, including upcumming Pau Hanas and LABIA events. I then announced that the karaoke fundraiser the previous evening brought in $63 and outwardly lamented that an opportunity was missed. It was then that Mermaid Man ran up waving $6 to make it a nice “round number.” Huzzah for $69!
Soon enough, Circle was closed and it was time for Chalk Talk.
That done, we waited around for a few moments and broke down the canopy and prepared to depart for Trail. While finishing up, we noticed a large dead fish right near where the canopy had been. We briefly wondered if it had been dropped there by a bird or human and why it wasn’t detected because it wasn’t small and should have caused quite a stink. Bizarro, indeed.
Of course, while waiting, there were patch challenges available!
Our ABQ Visitors, Ambidickstrous and Skittles Colon, brought a plethora of patches to earn and eager Hashers lined up to perform.
Ambi’s involved wearing a pair of handcuffs and a pencil in each hand to draw 2 touching penises in a commemorative journal. Skittles’ challenge involved a pack of Skittles that needed to be photographed nestled in cleavage. Most opted to place the sweet treats nice and high, but the occasional clever Hasher chose a more bootyful location. I suspect several Happi Coats will boast these glorious patches soon enough.
Finally, the Pack set out in search of the Beer! This being the Bizzarro Hash, the Eagles were comprised of the less speedy Hashers, while Turkeys were faster. We followed the marks and ran/walked/scooted along until we reached On-Afters. We really like this place because they always accommodate our large, rowdy group and the food and bevvies are solid. There was cornhole to be played and plenty of shade to rest under as we enjoyed the ambiance and company. Although it took a while, no one seemed to mind because it was still so early in the evening.
Finally, we managed to take a group photo once everyone arrived and just before we began to depart.
Although we miss Taking the D and hope he’s Haring amazing Bizzarro Trails of his own back on the Mainland, our Hares honored him with a fabulous event in his absence. We know he’d be proud!
-“Lizzard Slut”