Hash Trash Aloha H3 # 1751
The Erections Hash
Hares: Hello Shaved Kitty, ThunderDrunk, Wet & Dirty
So, there I was…
As we arrived to the park and feverishly looked for a parking spot, it was clear that it was going to be quite a crowded affair. Apparently, there was a softball tournament happening where we’d initially planned to gather, so we ended up much farther away, but this turned out to be far better, anyhow.
This was the one day a year that some of our long, lost Hashers come out of the woodwork and graced us with their long-awaited return. In honor of Erections, several Hashers donned their Vote for Pedro, I mean Penis, shirts. It was nice to see everyone getting into the spirit of things and showing interest in the event. Now, I can’t be sure, but I may have heard someone say,
“Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true.”
Once everyone had checked in with Hash Cash, the Hares provided a quick Chalk Talk for the Pack, and Virgins were given a run-down of what all those weird marks were all about before Hare were away. Soon enough, the Pack set out in search of the Beer!
Several of us Never Leave Campers relaxed in the shade and congratulated ourselves on the generous decision to keep out asses on terra firma and nowhere near that mountain.
There was plenty of privacy where we relaxed, aside from the occasional comings and goings of those hard-bodied friends of Mitch Buchanan. (They’ll be ready, never you fear!) I mean, the view could have been worse. Cue the music and slow-motion beach running.
We we also in good company with Sperm Whale, who’d been long-absent. He regaled us with tales of Trails past and entertained us with stories from some of Aloha’s first years. Oh, the stories he told…
As we sat around, we were also amused by the sporadic gunfire from the nearby shooting range and if we closed our eyes, we’d almost swear we were on the West side.
Those who dared brave Trail that day were less enthused. It was exceedingly hot that day and the elevation wasn’t doing anyone any favors. Kitty’s Check at the top was not for the faint of heart and many a Hasher got halfway up the mountain, took one last look at the ascent, and said “Oh, HELL no!” It even had Kitty on his hands and knees begging for mercy. (Or at least ruing the fact that he’d Hared a shitty Trail!) This is how we ended up with many more Turkeys than we started with.
If memory serves, we were promised absolutely no stairs, but as we all know, Hares lie and look how that turned out. Trail then followed the highway for a bit and the Pack barely escaped being hit by careless drivers. Still, some serious road rash happened anyhow, as Gayfully’s side demonstrates. Ouch! At least no one broke a coccyx…
The Pack ventured through a lava tube and eventually made it to Wet & Dirty’s Beer Check. The view was completely stunning and the Check was indeed wet as promised.
Then they walked along coast line along a sea of ROCKS toward Toilet Bowl, eventually meeting Thunder for her Beer Check. Trail was intended to be short, but the elevation and heat ended up causing delays in clearing the Beer Checks and making it back to Circle before expected. Still, no one got lost and there were fabulous places to stop along the way.
Back at the park, the Pack had just enough time to grab a quick snack and charge their Vessel before Circle was opened.
Aloha’s MisMan team was introduced one final time and then a quick pre-game announcement was made that there would be an Erection for GM at the end of Circle. Those active Hashers who were unable to attend could still submit their proxy for a few more minutes. Then the festivities resumed!
Virgins were brought forth and shown the proper procedure for a Down-Down. Visitors were called in and finally, all our long-lost Returners were questioned for why they’ve been making us Hash all alone. (Those fat, lazy bastards!) Pushing Rope had visited several times and finally completed his 6th Aloha Hash and was given an icy, enthusiastic streamering. One of US, one of US!
Then it was accusation time! Sack nominated Just Kona for leaving early, so Catch Her stood in as a stunt-Kona and took her licks for her. The Hares were accused of laying Bad Trail marks, but not including them in Chalk Talk. Oh, the travesty. Peter and Nasty were accused of taking not the Eagle, nor the Turney, nor the Chicken, but instead the Dodo Trail. (This name was due to a typo while using tech on Trail to give updates regarding abandoning Koko half-way through, but it worked out quite perfectly in so many ways.)
Boob a Lube was brought forth for using Muggle names. Thunder was fingered for intending to postpone Jazz Hands’ Centurion streamering until next time. It was right about here that Cadbury had a last-minute RA takeover and inducted Jazz hands into the Centurion brethren in a most glorious ceremony.
Then it was Hashit time! Thunder suggested that she might commission a Hashit tattoo so she wouldn’t ever have to carry it on Trail again, but that might prove difficult when weekly additions would be necessary. When PI nominated Thunder for no apparent reason other than being RA, he immediately earned the Hashit. Of course, it’s only a one-week honor, but this being Erections, I think it’s a clear case to be made for 4 more Beers! 4 more Beers!
Once the formalities were out of the way, Hello Shaved Kitty, one of the outgoing GM’s, called forth anyone who wished to throw their hat in the ring for GM. ThunderDrunk and I stepped forward as a team and PI also stood. Despite potential worry of things going awry, there were no gratuitous flashes, nor did anyone bust out any sweet moves to Canned Heat. (Ok, there might have been an opportunity missed there…) After a few moments and quite a close vote, ThunderDrunk and Gex, aka Team ThunderHo, were announced as the new GM’s! Huzzah!
Last-minute announcements were made and anyone who wanted to step in and help with the new MisMan team stood up or commented on the Erections post in the group for consideration. Then the Pack scattered to either make the long trek home or to grab a quick bite at the brewing company for On-Afters. Several of us made it out there and enjoyed delicious apps before calling it a night. It was a fabulous end to a truly great year with a phenomenal MisMan team.
Signing off for the last time,
Your former Scribe and one half of team ThunderHo,
– Gex