Hash Trash AH3 #1757
Two Out of Three Hash
Hares:
Teenee Weenee
Peter Beater Ant Feeder
So, there I was…
The pack immediately knew this was going to be another riveting Teenee trail, since before we could even get to the start, Teenee had us walking uphill to chalk talk!
Chalk talk kicked off on time for once, eagerly led by Dr. Teenee Weenee himself! The marks were presented to the kennel and a couple new marks were shown off, to include one rarely seen “RG”. While many names were creatively discussed about the meaning of “RG”, Teenee explained it meant Regroup! Which only really applied to those pesky FRBs who would inevitably beat any hare trying to bring beer to the RG beercheck.
Teenee went onto explain that on trail the pack would see all colors of ribbon. Blue ribbon, red ribbon, orange and yellow, and maybe even some pink… but that none of them were markings for today’s trail. Only flour was used on today’s trail and therefore only flour should be followed.
And with that, Teenee prematurely released the pack with no headstart, almost forgetting to get blown off! Thankfully, Gex was there to bestow this blessing and the pack was ready to go!
After a not-too-long warmup song, the pack headed up into the shiggy… did I forget to mention up? Yeah, UP into the shiggy. The trail lead ever so gently up a maintained dirt trail, slowly meandering left and right, but always up. Not so bad. Suddenly a true trail arrow pointed straight off trail into true shiggy. It was bushwacking territory now. What had Teenee gotten us into?
Trail quickly started reveal it’s true face. No longer was this the nice maintained and gentle slope onwards and upwards, but a much steeper and wild section. The kennel was getting a reminder of the true spirit of hashing! Marks hidden below shiggy, ziggy-zaggys up and up, bobbing and weaving through trees, how exciting! Thankfully, flour markings were only ever a few feet apart so the kennel was able to navigate it quite confidently.
Remember when I said the pack was headed up? Yeah. Up until now, they only thought they knew what up was. At the end of the heavy shiggy that had been laid before them, they came upon Wiliwilinui. Not the trail, but the entire ridgeline… and Teenee had decided to share this glorious erect bastard with Turkeys and Eagles alike.
Yet, these crazed half-minds still made their way, step by breathless step up the mountain, clinging to trees, rocks, vines, and even fellow hashers – doing anything they could to make it to the top. And when they thought they’d finally got to the top, there was still more up to go. But nothing was going to stop these determined hounds from getting to the prize at the top, BEER!
The first few hounds made it to the RG before the hare. FRBs in true spirit! Thankfully, the hare was not long behind as a glorious 30 pack was offered to these thirsty few who had come up with a plethora of phenomenal new terms for ‘RG’.
As more and more hounds arrived to quench their thirst, it was clear how excited they all were (well, okay… most) to have had such a shiggy and challenging trail. All, but a couple chose to split off towards Eagle into the shiggy darkness!
They made their way back into the shiggy, somewhere along the way forgetting to follow flour. Hashers went awry as they followed ribbon or worse other hashers! While flour dollops could often be found next to or close by a random color of ribbon, they didn’t always follow ribbon, and a few hashers learned that the hard way!
Early Withdrawal (EW) had departed as the last Eagle downward into the path of Eagles only to pop back up ABOVE and behind the RG about a half an hour later admitting he got lost following the pink ribbon! After a quick reHash of Chalk-Talk at the RG and still determined to see the promised bunker, he took off down the straight-shot Turkey path towards the bunker below. Easy!
Those still on Eagle trail, which at this point was all but entirely down, came across several intersections. One intersection led obviously down into the shiggy below and another up to a ridgeline trail. UP. UP into the ridgeline trail, and yet some of our half-minds still went this way only to climb to the top and find a beautiful BAD-TRAIL marking awaiting them. You’re welcome.
The trail continued downwards, offering shade and reprieve to all who traveled it, eventually popping up in front of a small, abandoned bunker with one entryway and an escape tunnel out. “ON-UP” the flour mark suggested, as the hounds made their way, one at a time, through this dark and dirty, (Halloween season appropriate) spiderweb laden tunnel and up through the escape hatch above, pulling themselves out using tree vines, only to turn around and see they had just climbed out of a literal tree. The unfortunate few who impatiently stationed themselves directly below those climbing out were seasoned with a healthy dusting of rocks and dirt. Diddy of course, the giant human being he is, really enjoyed this part. For those struggling to understand what Diddy had to go through, rewatch the scene from Ace Ventura when Jim Carrey had to pull himself out from the backend of a Rhino, sounds and all!
The hounds crossed the parking lot back into the shiggy where they came upon a much larger bunker and again none-other-than Dr. Teenee Weenee who offered them cold beer! The hounds sang Teenee Weenee their best rendition of A-W-E-S-O-M-E-T-R-A-I-L as they drank down their delicious beer and admired the WWII anti-aircraft gun mount.
Objectively, the best moment on trail was when the hounds asked Teenee where to go next. “Up Turkey and back the way you came!” Absolute bewilderment. And so, the hounds slowly made their 20-minute journey back UP to the RG and carefully back down the steep and treacherous decent before taking a short jog to the park.
A few hashers decided going back was for the birds and auto-hashed their way to the park from the last bunker, though no one could really blame them! But not all decided to take the easy way out. In fact, EW enjoyed trail so much that he decided to sneak past the sweeping hare and stay out well after sunset so that he could really get to know the steepest section of the mountainside.
After hearing this, Kitty and WhiteBoy decided to take the opportunity to do trail again and meet up with EW to share in the festivities! Trail was just that good! This overachieving group finally gimped their way back ON-IN, taking a glorious group photo of their extra credit shenanigans. Who needs ankles when you have friends? #HashHeroes
Back at Circle, Gex called religion to order and brought forth our boisterous RA! Amazingly, all three Virgins survived today’s trail, and were crazy enough to want to do it again! #OneOfUs #NotACult. The Centurions gathered ‘round to show them how to do a proper down-down and amazingly they honored us with a perfect down-down, finishing their beverage and inverting their vessels over their head! “HEAD? WHO SAID HEAD?!”
With no visitors or transplants, we called forth our returners! Tummy, Dyslexic Dominantrix and Maka were asked why they made us Hash all alone and offered some semblance of an excuse, but drank for it anyway!
And of course, everyone’s favorite time, the Hares were called into Circle! Teenee welcomed everyone for giving them such an awesome trail as the kennel offered him their thoughts. As the RA went around the circle, hashers were given the chance to express their, ‘displeasure’ at trail. Most called out Teenee for his trail “not having enough up”, though most offered up genuine praise. While our RA was not paying attention, Teenee snuck off into the sidelines, shrouded in darkness, and was called on to offer his thoughts on today’s wonderful trail!
With the formalities out of the way, it was time for the passing of our beloved HashShit #AMajorAward. Only one nomination was put up for consideration this week, and Peter Beater was called into Circle for his most egregious crime. Even though he somehow dodged any accusations of bringing a Virgin to trail and leaving her to figure it out on her own, it was not unnoticed that he managed to sweep trail so badly that he missed EW who had gotten lost on trail for the second or third time today. Peter’s rebutthole was that EW likely got lost by his on doing, but voluntarily accepted the nomination and the HashShit for the first time. #ByeByeCherry.
PI led the kennel in a rousing rendition of Swing Low and the Hash left in peace!
ON-ON
-Peter Beater Ant Feeder