Hash Trash AH3 #1804
Let’s Give Teenee An Erection Hash
Hares:
Teenee Weenee
Peter Beater Ant Feeder
Start: ʻĀhuimanu Community Park 47-450 Hui Aeko Pl, Kaneohe, HI 96744-4529, United States
So no shit, there we were!
Somehow we found ourselves at ʻĀhuimanu Community Park once again, but this time – dry! (So long as you weren’t a hare). This may have just been the start of many firsts this trail!
Teenee of course, came early – making sure everyone was there on time to watch the hares get blown off just after 2PM. Better late than never. We brought up our two Virgins, Matt and Matt (which one of you did this?) and our Transplant, Titty Long Cocking, into circle to explain today’s trail and markings! Thankfully, one of the two Matts could read, and was able to figure out NO NO from ON ON. Huzzah!!
With the hares away, Cadbury led the pack in song, singing many of our favorite Yogi Bear verses (LIAR, LIAR!) before snapping a group photo (oops, forgot about that before blowing off our hares, fuck em’) and telling everyone to get the fuck out of here before a wild Karen appears and calls the cops on a bunch of drunks having fun in a park adjacent to children (FTK).
The pack was ON OUT, and followed a few marks and cheeky intersections until finding their way to the ʻĀhuimanu Taro farm restoration. From there, flour led the way to the first of two waterfalls (minus the water), but also a smiling Teenee who had a bag full of cold beer to share! The pack cracked open a cold one and admired the almost perfectly vertical rock wall stemming side to side, before crushing their cans and heading ON OUT!
Most of the pack chose the way of the Eagle today, following pink ribbon through winding trees and narrow trails, passing a very old stone hideaway before finding their way to the second waterfall (again, minute any water), a cheerful Peter Beater, and another bag full of beer! MUCH REJOICING! Digging took a few minutes to point out a few magnificent rocks while Peter Beater tried hopelessly to prove his verbal directions were any better than Teenee’s and sending the pack on back, “BUT STOP AND TURN LEFT AT THE ROCK WITH FLOUR ON IT” (description level 10/10) and then ON UP to the 3rd unmanned beer check.
Mud and dirt quickly turned to thick wild fern, providing soft cushiony terrain with each uncertain step. A virgin had somehow gotten lost and tried to NO NO his way back to the park, having forgotten his cell phone and fearing his wife, who he hadn’t texted in a whole hour, may have left him for dead and decided to call in on that life insurance policy. Thankfully, the pack pointed him in the right direction, despite his arguably wise intuition to never trust a hasher on trail who “knows where trail is going”.
Finally, the pack made it to a short, yet ridiculously steep hill that Teenee Weenee had gladly showed Peter Beater earlier in the week, knowing full well that Peter Beater would climb it and put a beer check up there. The pack sat down, sweaty as ever, and cracked open another cold one while enjoying the beautiful views overlooking The Valley of the Temples, gongs sounding in the distance from the Japanese temple bell.
But it wasn’t long before a few curious hashers spotted that trail continued beyond where Peter Beater said they would turn around, and that it was conveniently marked with ribbons. “I marked that today, but you definitely shouldn’t do it. Teenee wants us all to go back down this way”, Peter could be heard saying, a little tongue in cheek.
And with that, a handful of adventurous Eagles (over achievers) set forth on a virgin trail that neither the hares of Aloha H3 had ever been on before. Another first! The trail winded through narrow newly laid paths, ribbons strung conservatively every so often, then over rocks, riverbeds, and up the mountainside until they crested the ridge, ferns growing taller than their head. HEAD WHO SAID HEAD?!
Trail led them blindly atop the ridge line, through low laid pig trails under the fern, and even across a landslide. There were occasionally treasures to be found, first a forgotten beer cooler that only Kitty was brave enough to look inside, and then a couple chairs overlooking the town below. Truly a site to see!
But this virgin trail may not have been a true virgin, as a couple hashers, namely Digging, stumbled upon a hammock, stopping after hearing a “Hello?” from within it, before a head appeared atop a man’s naked torso.
Shocked, the head inquired how she found this spot, stating that he had never seen anyone on this hidden trail before. Digging simply chuckled and pointed at what should be obvious, but a trail of pink ribbon, before shockingly another head, this one atop a woman’s body, popped out of the hammock to see what was going on. Clearly, it was time to head ON OUT and leave the muggles to their presumably SEX ON (virgin?) TRAIL! Guess we weren’t the only ones getting hot and steamy atop the ridge. Acceptable hash behavior! #TheresAPatchForThat
Trail finally opened up and became r*nnable for a short period before popping out on the road with a single true trail arrow to guide them back to start. Thank goodness for GPS.
For the rest of the pack back still at the 3rd beer check, they slowly finished their beers and headed ON DOWN, following another, albeit relatively short and narrow tree laden trail to the road below. Marks let them on back to the start where just about everyone returned at the same time.
Snacks, pizza, and beer were plentiful as circle kicked off in Teenee Weenee fashion! The virgins were called and shown how to do a proper down down, our transplant was gracious enough to show us a full moon, HUZZAH!, and our returners had a moment to share how they got their names!
Erections were held shortly thereafter, with Ole Hump being erected RA, All You Need is Head appointed as Hash Cash, Double Dipped Tip being erected Hareraiser, Crazy Whores being erected Beermeister, our Pau Hana King&Queen going to none other than Hello Shaved Kitty & Torque and Lick me, Hash Flash going to the iconic duo – Tummy Sticks and Gayfully Employed, Diddy Kong Micro Dong being erected as our new Songmeister, and finally Peter Beater (with explicit permission from Taco Tuesday) returning once again as Scribe!
** Reminder that “Chip Monkey” and Haberdasher are still open and up for grabs! **
Finally, the Hash Shit was awarded to Dr Teenee Weenee for using a “3rd party hare” (muggle) to lay trail, since of course, WE would ‘never’ use plastic ribbon on any of our trails. 
ON ON!
