Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1809
“Teenee Takes Us Deep”
November 1st, 2025
Hares:
Teenee Weenee
Hello Shaved Kitty
Start:
Nakasone Performing Arts Center
So no shit, there we were!
Back at a very familiar spot and home of the trail voted most despised 2024-2025. Surely this trail would be much better. 💀
As we gathered ‘round, time passed by and the hares were yet to be seen, before suddenly a breathless Kitty appeared running from the brush, collecting himself and feverishly jotting down markings for Chalk Talk on the sidewalk below. Not too long after, Teenee could be seen R*NNING towards the group. 🏃➡️ Yep – that sealed it. It was going to be a true Teenee trail. 🧌
Kitty finished jotting down a few marks – standard dollops of flour, normal and true trail arrows, splits, intersections, and our favorite beer near and beer check marks. Skeptical, the pack asked if there would not be any bad trail marks, and to our surprise Kitty said, no. 🤔 Huzzah!
Ole Hump called forth the hares for lies, and Teenee began his long and descriptive tail about trail that went up and down, and around amazing sites all marked in tape… and that we were not doing any of that. 🤣 Because of course. And that we should follow flour and only flour, asking for a 20 minute head start for Kitty to live lay trail and for Teenee to “be found later on”. And with that, our RA blew off the hares!
After 17 minutes we called pack away! And off were the hounds. After only a few meters, before descending onto the trail to the left, a large BAD TRAIL could be seen; a mark promised not to be on trail today. A reminder to never trust a hare. 🙈 A few minutes later “R*NNING !” was heard. Of course, your FRBs were quick to take the opportunity to capitalize on all that beautiful down hill. 🏃➡️🏃➡️🏃➡️🏃➡️
Burning Ring led the hounds, followed closely by Peter Beater, Nasty Gash, and Dicklomat. A hard THUMP could be heard on trail, thanks to Peter Beater testing the structural integrity of a fallen tree with his cranium, leaving a giant red burn mark on his hair line.. Yep. That’s a solid tree. 🤕
Nasty Gash, clearly impressed by Peter Beater’s scientific commitment, volunteered to test the next not one, but two trees with his own cranium. Who needs the frontal lobe anyway? #TwoWeeksOfTwinning
The pack continued down and around a rather r*nnable trail, r*nning over ankle breaking rocks, balancing across cement walls, ducking (mostly) under fallen trees, jumping over narrow gaps, and slowly making their way through tunnels. Wait.. I don’t recall the write up calling for headlamps.. Those lying hares!
A few of the very thirsty hounds checked their technology on trail.. 1 mile turned to 1.69 miles, turned into 2 miles, and into 2.5 miles. still no beer. Soon, many of the pack began to worry if there would even be any beer on trail.. but just as the FRBs rounded a corner, a BN could be spotted at, TRULY, 2.69 miles.. and Peter Beater stumbled upon Kitty just moments after he dropped his backpack of cold Coors light and Natty Light. Much rejoicing!! 🍺🍺
Kitty explained that extra credit could be had by taking the tunnel to the left and going up the ridge line to the bench above, but warned it was incredibly muddy. A handful of overly zealous FRBs took him up on the offer and were on up, while some decided to sit around the watering hole and help Kitty with a few more of his beers.
“How many on trail today”, Kitty asked.
“Oh, about 16 or 17.. “
You could see a defeated Kitty stand there for a moment in shock 🙀 as he proclaimed he had lugged 45 beers to this beer check. 💀 So plenty of beer was enjoyed at the beer check, probably encouraging the rest of the pack since it seems all who made it to Kitty decided to graduate to Eagles and soon were on-out and on-up!
The hounds made their way slowly up the switch backs before stopping to snap quick photos of the gorgeous valley view to their side. It’s moments and views like this that almost make these uphill portions worth it. ⛰
Soon after, the pack found Teenee who offered hugs and more beer! 🍺🍺 He explained that the rest of trail would be easy, with the pack continuing down a partially paved road back to the trail below. After a few stories were shared and beers were drank, the pack was ON-HOME. 🏃♀️➡️🏃➡️
Back at circle, snacks were setup and ready for the hungry FRBs, with the chipmunk duo reintroducing the iconic King’s Hawaiian rolls, humus, meat, cheese and chips! 🥨🧀🥯 Burning Ring wasted no time as he munched down on everything out and open on the table, almost prompting Taco to slap his hand 👏 and remind him there are other hungry hashers still on trail.. but a growing boy has to eat and hungry hashers should r*n faster. 🤭 Thankfully, there were plenty of snacks in reserve.
Ole Hump kicked off circle while we awaiting the return of the hares, calling forth our returners who had no real excuse to be gone for so long anyway. Is there ever truly a good excuse? 🍺
And of course, we had to call forth a couple true half-minds to be recognized and streamered.
Senora Robinson received was streamered by Double Dipped Tip, who went back to front, YIKES, for having hashed with the AH3 25 times!🧎🏻➡️ About dang time!
And Princess Footlong was recognized for her 69th hash with the AH3, honoring us with the traditional inverted streamering, with a little help from our very own AH3 Harriettes! Much rejoicing!! 🤸🏻♀️
It was about this time our hares returned to the circle and were called in, but of course not before Teenee helped himself to the rolls he spotted on the snack table, in typical Teenee Weenee fashion! The hares had nothing, but excuses for today’s S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L, and for their punishment, they had to drink a nice cold beer. Oh no! 🍺🍺
Soon after nominations for the Hash Shit were had. Teenee and Kitty were called up for a multitude of reasons, as were others, but this half-mind doesn’t recall. Who makes the scribe the person with the worst memory anyway? But I digress. Kitty won this MAJOR AWARD in a landslide, not only for hiding the first beer check 2.69 miles away, but for lying about the bad trail. Huzzah! 🪠
As the night winded down, Ole Hump called for a quick rendition of Swing Low, and the Hash left in peace!
ON-ON
🐜