Hash Trash AH3 #1754
Navy Birthday Hash
Hares:
Nasty Gash
Geck Ho
Peter Beater Ant Feeder
Owl Fucker
Catcher In The Thighs
Princess Footlong
White Boy
99 Problems
So, there I was…
Another blazing hot Hawaiian Hashing-day, but on this day the Hares promised to cook up a Hash that gave everyone a little taste (and smell) of what it’s like to be in the Navy!
Nasty had longed to do a Hash on Ford Island, but since that takes work (gross), decided Sand Island was the next best thing!
Hashers started to arrive and engage in preLube festivities as our visitors and others riffled through the Habadashery and got ready for chalk talk.
Thunder then decided to get the show on the road and called the pack together to go over marks that could be seen on trail and gather lies from the Hares! The Frigates (Turkeys) and Battleships (Eagles) were promised smooth sailing, calm seas, sunny skies, and three port calls (BEER)!
It was then time to get Haze Gray and underway, as these Navy ‘SailHares’ were blown off (Underway – Shift Colors) and set out to lay marks and man the beer-checks!
With a full load of Seamen now blown off, Cadbury led the Hash in a warmup of a Chicken Dance to pay our respects to our visiting Hasher, Cock Chaser, and once everyone was sufficiently warmed up and limbered, they set off!
Almost as if aboard a Navy vessel themselves, there was plenty of flat deck (pavement) below everyone’s feet. With a light breeze and billowed sails the pack stayed together until the Turkey Eagle split. The Eagles continued as the Turkeys snuck off to a nearby Beer-Check aside a few bunkers manned by Nasty Gash, Geck Ho, 99 Problems, and Princess Footlong.
The less fortunate Eagles continued, hot and parched, over the long bridge to a much-needed Beer-Check at the marina, manned by Owl Fucker and Catcher In The Thighs. Sadly, the ice cream truck that was there earlier had left just before they arrived. Once the Eagles had quenched their thirst, they asked the Hares where to go and were told to go back the way they came and take a right at the anchor.
The Eagles continued back, under the hot unforgiving sun and over the same bridge they had just crossed until they reached the anchor mark that brought them through a couple homeless communities, past the BMX park, and along the beach until to their surprise they ran, with glistening bodies almost as if out of a scene from Baywatch, into Peter Beater and White Boy sitting around a large cooler of ice-cold beers.
Our visitor who had decided to be an FRB today grabbed a drink and cooled off in the waves while the rest talked-story and shortly thereafter decided to ON-ON to the 3rd and final Beer-Check.
Around this time, the flock of Turkeys arrived from the other direction for their 2nd beer check. They hung out and watched the RC car races while enjoying a few cold beers and seltzers with the Hares. The last couple Eagles pulled up the rear and joined in the celebrations as Diddy called for, neigh demanded, a Bootyful view. In typical Hasher fashion, we tried to be discrete, but because of some ‘technical difficulties’ (*cough* 96) we stood with booties in full view for far too long, as a crowd of RC Car fans began to ogle our fresh bright hinnies glimmering in the sun. With the bootyful view done and out of the way, it was ON-OUT!
The trail continued along the shoreline, with the breeze offering some much-needed reprieve from the hot sun until they reached the 3rd and final beer check. Nasty and Gex offered cold beer and warm spiced rum (Mmmm). The pack was not in any rush as we gathered in groups and talked-story and got to know our visitors a little better.
After some time, it was ON-IN and the pack made their way to Circle; some following the marks, some following other Hashers, but all finally finding their way back to beer, nevertheless.
As Misman was reintroduced at circle, Owl Fucker had setup a Navy bell and rang our RA, Diddy Kong aboard, with a two beer salute to kick off the festivities!
Our Virgin, ‘Just Richard’ was introduced to the kennel and our centurions were called forth to show him the proper way to honor us with a Down-Down! He got almost all of it right, but for doing his Down-Down with cranium gear, ThunderDrunk was called in to atone for his violation, with what, but another Down-Down!
Our two visitors Reverse Cowboy and Chasing Cock were then called into Circle to entertain us with a song, a joke, or a body part. Reverse Cowboy decided to show us his joke as some cheered and others turned their heads and covered their eyes! #AcceptableHashBehavior. Chasing Cock then serenaded us from the land of French-Canadia in the French tongue and received a round of applause! Though we aren’t really sure what she said, but we’re pretty sure it had something to do with a small penis. đŸ˜‚
The kennel was happy to welcome ‘Cunt Kite’ as our newest transplant, hailing all the way from Malaysia. This cunniLinguistically skilled member then chose to give us a song. As we waited in eager anticipation, he cleared his throat and like a beautiful maestro sang out, “YOU’RE STUPID!” as the kennel gleefully laughed and joined in!
Then it was time to honor a couple of our kennel members for their accomplishments! Taco Tuesday was streamered by another sexy Navy-wife, Wet&Dirty for running with the Aloha H3 50 (+1) times, followed up then by Nasty Gash who was honored with his 10 Hares patch, because without great Hares we would not have great trails!
When it finally came time for our favorite part of Circle – nominations for the HashShit, our RA had to hang his head a little lower in SHAME. It was only then revealed that our beloved and sacred HashShit had been left abandoned at a BeerCheck, but returned safely to Circle by an anonymous Hasher. It was for this most egregious crime that Diddy Kong decided to hold onto the HashShit for at least one more week, hopefully this time learning to keep it safe and guarded until the next half-mind is nominated next week!
After a glorious rendition Anchors Aweigh and Swing-Low, the kennel departed to La Mariana’s for some delicious food and drinks (NAVY GROG!). Boisterous laughter was shared, Just Richard mingled with the rest of us – amazed at our enthusiasm and traditions #Not_a_Cult, and there was much rejoicing!
ON-ON!
-Peter Beater Ant Feeder