Hash Trash

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1818 – The Best Trail of the Year (So Far)

January 3rd, 2026

Hares: Geck Ho, Nasty Gash, Peter Beater Ant Feeder, All I Need Is Cock

Start: Aiea Loop Trail

So no shit, there we were!

Finding ourselves back at a very family starting spot – the top of Aiea loop trail! 

Chickens roamed the venue, with a half rooster missing his entire tail, left eye, and comb.. Of course, he got the most attention and extra crackers while others were chased away to give him time to partake, considering he had been bullied. We have a soft spot for chickens, since IF YOU LOOK AT ME, A CHICKEN YOU WILL SEE! Lol, I digress. 

Teenee gathered the Hares, who ominously were absolutely CAKED in mud and blew them off with a short “15” (yeah right) minute head start. The hares surprised the kennel running down hill instead of into the trail head as expected. 

Soon after the hounds followed suit, making their way down the roadway, past a pair of abandoned white mud-caked shoes, and into the camp site under construction. It was almost immediately apparent where all the mud had come from the moment they stepped foot on trail.… Read More

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1817 – Last Trail of the Year

December 27th, 2025

Hares: PI, All I Need Is Cock, Ole Hump

Start: Kokohead Neighborhood Park 

So no shit, there we were!

The last trail of the year, met at none other than Kokohead Neighborhood Park, as we have so many times before.. With the kennel split on whether or not PI was going to send us up those god forsaken stairs one more time for 2025, we waited anxiously. 

PI promised the trail would only go in one direction, up.. And then the hares were ON OUT! 

Kitty led us all in a couple verses of El Camino before the pack soon followed. 

Along the roadway, we passed a really neat Star Wars Christmas decorated yard, and all stopped to take pictures and share in a few laughs. 

Eventually, we made it to Koko head stairs, but thankfully never turned left to the start of the stairs and instead continued straight… 

Wait a minute, thought several hounds.. Is PI REALLY sending us up Haunama Bay ridge trail?! 

We made our way up, and up, and up, past check after check, and even a cute smiley face.. With some overachieving FRBs deciding to run their happy end of year tails up the trail..… Read More

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1816 – CPS’ 16th Birthday / Shortest Hash of the Year

December 20th, 2025

Hares: 
Digging For Love, CPS, DHL

Start: Waipahū District Park

So no shit, there we were!

The kennel was gathered ‘round, raining off and on (because of course… RA), looking around with no Hare in sight. Teenee had wanted to get things started, but without a Hare, we were left to our own devices. Lawn chairs had already started to make their way out when Digging and CPS finally came running into the parking lot! 

With a few lies and a short 15-20 minute head start for the hares (Teenee time), the pack was away, making their way down the street and into the culverts below.. They finally came upon a very short tunnel, much to the dismay of the stiffer older hashers with aching backs and bad knees.. But ON ON we went! . . . no mention of a headlamp needed in the write up. Hmmmm. 

Once off the beaten path, we found DHL who offered us a bag full of seltzers; not a beer in sight. Must be a fluke, we thought, as we bid him a farewell and made our way ON OUT for more adventure, and hopefully what matters most – BEER! … Read More

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1814 – 12 Down Downs of Christmas

December 06th, 2025

Hares: 
Whack Ah Ho, 96 Superhole, All I need is Cock

Start: Ali Wai Golf Course

So no shit, there we were!

Gathered ‘round in mostly festive Christmas attire, with santa hats, rompers, and red and green outfits for as far as the eye could see! Just before the hares were blown off, a van pulled up and 5 or 6 people (maybe more) filled out like some magic trick to the joyful amusement of the hash. 

Our visitors led us in song and introduction, providing us all with new first-impression names and glee. And soon after, the hares were away and the pack was off. Marks led nearly a straight shot to the club house where our hares sat waiting for us with pitchers of beer to share! The hounds gladly partook as they watched retirees put 100% focus into their puts on the practice green just outside the window. 

Soon after, they were off and followed marks outside, across the parking lot, and down the street to the first intersection. Some were smart and took the path through the small homeless camp while others took the bad trail and continued on and around anyway, meeting up on the city roadway with the rest of the pack. … Read More

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1814 – Moana Valley

November 22nd, 2025

Hares: 
Maca, Tummy Sticks, Just Kristen and Just “Maca’s Sister”

Start: Mānoa District Park

So no shit, there we were!

The kennel met at Mānoa District Park and had a sinking feeling they’d be running up to the trail ahead.. Sure enough, as the hares were called in for Hare lies, they offered the Turkeys a ride and told the Eagles to get right f*cked! 

The Eagles departed up the ever rising road ahead of them as Turkeys comfortably made their way a mile or two up the way. Eagles made it to the trail just as the Turkeys were making their way through the brush, presumably either skipping or having already seen the falls and circling back. Eagles continued on, continuously remarking, “I don’t remember Mānoa falls having so much up…” Eventually the Eagles found themselves in front of the falls, only interrupted by Tummy Sticks at the top of the falls waving them up. 

Eagles circled back and attempted to find where they went “off trail”. Several different paths were taken; some on trail, others off, and even some self-discovered, all ultimately leading to an absurdly low and narrow hole in the fencing..… Read More

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1810 – You Sank My Battleship! 

November 8th, 2025

Hares: 
Tummy Sticks, Fee Fi Fo F*ck, & Peeter Beeter

Start: Waipio Soccer Complex,

So no shit, there we were!

It was a bright sunny day at the start of this hash! . . . Okay, that was a lie. It immediately started raining as hashers and virgins assembled for this fine Veterans Day hash. What do you expect when your RA is a Navy guy and we’re doing Navy shit? The kennel gathered ‘round in anticipation for the great trail that lay ahead. To our surprise, Cocktoberfest and his dad made a guest appearance to trail, as could be heard from a soccer field or two over. 😛

The GM called up the hares who offered nothing, but lies of blue skies, up hill climbs, and plenty of beautiful views. With that, the hares split off in different directions and the kennel pretended to give the hares the requested “15 minute” head start. 

The kennel soon followed suit, dodging cars and looking for marks in unmowed gross and on roadsigns and light poles. Muggles obstructed the trail as far as the eye could see, with seemingly half the island decided to host their soccer game in Waipio this week. … Read More

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1809

“Teenee Takes Us Deep”

November 1st, 2025

Hares: 

Teenee Weenee
Hello Shaved Kitty

Start:
Nakasone Performing Arts Center

So no shit, there we were!

Back at a very familiar spot and home of the trail voted most despised 2024-2025. Surely this trail would be much better. 💀

As we gathered ‘round, time passed by and the hares were yet to be seen, before suddenly a breathless Kitty appeared running from the brush, collecting himself and feverishly jotting down markings for Chalk Talk on the sidewalk below. Not too long after, Teenee could be seen R*NNING towards the group. 🏃‍➡️ Yep – that sealed it. It was going to be a true Teenee trail. 🧌

Kitty finished jotting down a few marks – standard dollops of flour, normal and true trail arrows, splits, intersections, and our favorite beer near and beer check marks. Skeptical, the pack asked if there would not be any bad trail marks, and to our surprise Kitty said, no. 🤔 Huzzah!

Ole Hump called forth the hares for lies, and Teenee began his long and descriptive tail about trail that went up and down, and around amazing sites all marked in tape… and that we were not doing any of that.… Read More

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1808

“Halloween Pub Crawl”

October 25th, 2025

Hares: �
Double Dipped Tip
Fee Fi Fo F*ck
Diddy Kong MD

So, no shit, there we were, and yes, I’ma tell you about it muthafakahs…

A couple dozen hashers gathered in full costume (most of us anyway) ready to take on the Hash-o-ween pub crawl in Waikiki a full week before actual Halloween. Except, “SURPRISE, beotches! We’re crawlin’ through Ala Moana!” The hares – Nacho Mama’s Hot Sauce, Pink Taco, and A Bottle of Regret AKA Tequila requested a 6.9 hash minutes head… who said head?!… start as they were setting trail LIVE *gasp!*

The hares laid a winding path to the first stop on their trail of deceit… Irish Rose!… incidentally the birthplace of Fee Fi Fo F*ck at last year’s pub crawl. The hare’s arrival was much to the delight of the lone muggle sitting at the bar. So much so that she “rang the bell” and bought the hares their first round… which included the first pitcher of beer for the pack. LOL, well played Pink Taco, well played!

After downing their libations, the Pink Taco and the Bottle of Regret set out to make their way to the next stop leaving behind Nacho Mama’s Hot Sauce to wrangle the pack after the allotted time.… Read More

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1807

“World Peace Through Beer”

October 18th, 2025

Hares: 

Ole Hump
All I Need Is Cock
Taco Tuesday

Start: Maunalua Bay Beach Park

So no shit, there we were!

Gathered round another one of Hawaii’s finest under-construction parking lots waiting for chalk talk to kick off while Teenee was schmoozing some of the fine older ladies that happened upon the Aloha H3.

Ole Hump called forth the Virgins and Visitors and shared some of the new marks that the hounds would find on trail today before promising plenty of shade on this flat easy trail and running off with his team of eager hares.

Without our Songmeister, Teenee appointed Peter Beater to lead the Hash in our warm up song so of course, it was all about BANANAS! Mostly because that’s the quickest and easiest one to do. After our quick rendition to warm up and laugh, Peter explained that there would be trivia on trail today and free drinks from “South America” at start for all to enjoy while completing their trivia cards.

WALKING! Teenee shouted, while half the pack was still trying to fill out their cards and think back to 5th grade social-studies to answer questions about the Bill of Rights..… Read More

Aloha H3 Hash Trash #1806

﹏𓊝﹏ “Navy “Birthday Trail” ﹏𓊝﹏

October 12th, 2025

Hares: Catcher In The Thighs, Just Gabby, Peter Beater Ant Feeder, Nasty Gash, Princess Footlong

So no shit, there we were!

Another FINE NAVY DAY out on the water. The kennel gathered in port, ready to shift colors and get underway. Our Lead Party Officer Catcher knew the mission and understood that we’d be working with joint and “special” forces.. so he laid out the Plan of the Day (POD) in extra large font, that way them Army folks could at least make an attempt at reading them. Thankfully, the Marines had not yet made it to muster, seen having rendezvoused on another beach, otherwise the lack of Crayola may have posed a real issue .Talk about Risk Management.

After a short quarters, The Senior Chief RA gathered the crew to set sail. Anchors & Hares Aweigh; some hares dashing off starboard side while others went port.

T-13.

Sea and Anchor detail was mustered and the kennel engaged in ample skylarking, sharing scuttlebutt and, in true Navy fashion, minimizing exposure to PT and the gold of God’s great sun.

T-10.

Devil Dog PI was spotted near Pier 69, making his way to the rally point without a map or compass.… Read More