Hash Trash

Hash Trash AH3 #1753

The OctoBEERfest Hash

Hares:
Parentis Interruptus
Hello Shaved Kitty
Torque and Lick Me
Master Splinter Bater

So, there I was…

The pack was gathering at the start, paying their dues, prelubing from the down-down cooler, and anxiously awaiting chalk-talk for this 2pm start… and as we looked around and the time ticked away, 2:00, 2:10, 2:20 . . . not a hare in sight. Good thing we started early!

Finally, the hares arrived packed tightly in what, but an automobile! As they piled out, the pack circled up for chalk talk, with PI and Kitty discussing ‘most’ of the marks that would be seen today and PI warning all present of what lay ahead.

GeckHo blew off the hares and reiterated chalk talk for our ‘one and a half’ virgins present before Diddy led the pack in a long-lost warmup song, teaching the virgins the true meaning of the days of the week! Saturday is a Hashin’ Day after all!

After we were sufficiently warmed up and limber, it was WALKING time! Whistles sounded and the pack made their way ON-OUT. The pavement was laden with checks and Peter Beater successfully found all the ‘Bad Trail’ marks (for quality assurance purposes of course), only almost getting hit by traffic twice.… Read More

Hash Trash AH3 #1752

New Mismanagement Trail

Hares:
Whack-A-Ho
96 SuperHole
Diddy Kong MD
Fee Fi Fo Fuck
Torque and Lick Me

So, there I was…

It was another hot trail in Ewa as the Hash gathered at One’ula Beach Park. It was supposed to be a Misman led trail, but twas Whack-A-Ho who was left running the show with most of misman either physically MIA (boo) or present, but mentally MIA like the half-minds they truly are.

As other half-minds arrived, Whack-A-Hoe was no where to be found. The pack anxious gathered into a cluster, anxiously waiting to pay hash cash and wondering about today’s trail, with our HashCash and lead Hare Whack-A-Ho still off somewhere, presumably laying trail. Mass chaos ensued. Then HUZZAH, Wack-A-Ho finally arrives! Wet&Dirty and Whack-A-Ho conduct a quick change over and Whack-A-Ho is thrust into collecting payment

Eventually we get around to doing Chalk Talk, snap a quick group photo, and blow Whack-A-Ho and the other half-mind hares off and away!

Torque and Fee Fi set off to the first beer check at the end of Pupu St. and set up along a rocky beach. They weren’t there long until they were joined by others at the beach.… Read More

Hash Trash Aloha H3 # 1751

The Erections Hash

Hares: Hello Shaved Kitty, ThunderDrunk, Wet & Dirty

So, there I was…

As we arrived to the park and feverishly looked for a parking spot, it was clear that it was going to be quite a crowded affair. Apparently, there was a softball tournament happening where we’d initially planned to gather, so we ended up much farther away, but this turned out to be far better, anyhow.

This was the one day a year that some of our long, lost Hashers come out of the woodwork and graced us with their long-awaited return. In honor of Erections, several Hashers donned their Vote for Pedro, I mean Penis, shirts. It was nice to see everyone getting into the spirit of things and showing interest in the event. Now, I can’t be sure, but I may have heard someone say,
“Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true.”

Once everyone had checked in with Hash Cash, the Hares provided a quick Chalk Talk for the Pack, and Virgins were given a run-down of what all those weird marks were all about before Hare were away. Soon enough, the Pack set out in search of the Beer!… Read More

Hash Trash Aloha H3 #1750

The Hash Like a Pirate Hash

Hares: Double Dipped Tip, Nasty Gash, Taco Tuesday 

Ahoy!

So, there I was…

This being National Talk Like a Pirate Day, it seemed only fitting that the Crew don proper attire to set out a ‘plundering. With a Shiggy Level of 2.5 and a stern warning to the Crew, thar be no way this peg leg was going to attempt that voyage. We scallywags gathered in the lot just outside the pier and warily peered over at the close-by British Royal Navy frigates. Surely, our group wouldn’t draw attention and activate the flashing blue sails, would we? Not this lot of ruffians…

Not long after, the sole Hare left waiting for the Crew gave careful instructions on how to navigate their voyage. Instructions were simple- follow the flour, chalk, and pink/orange tape. However, if they find the stick with 3 pieces of tape, they be fucked. Lastly, thar be plenty of booty to be found on Trail! Savvy? Formalities out of the way, Captain Nasty Gash hastily set sail.

The Crew took off soon after and set out down a paved road, then continued for a good long while, up a steep hill, then back down.… Read More

Hash Trash Aloha H3 #1749

The Bizarro Hash

Hares: ThunderDrunk, Wet & Dirty, Peter Beater Ant Feeder

So, there I was…

The Pack gathered in an all-too-familiar place and most of us knew what to expect as we checked in with Hash Cash. Once someone paid their fees, they were given a shiny new name tag that boasted their Bizarro name. In some cases, it was somewhat opposite their Hash name, but others were a nod to other events or personality traits. This was no exception, with the reappearance of The Mayor of Kailua (Mr. Mayor, Sir!) along with new monikers like Mermaid Man, Harlot in the Rye, All Roads Lead to Kitchen, Bigus Dickus, and Mr. Luigi Mega Penis.

In honor of the innately backwards nature of the Bizarro Hash, everything is reversed.

Moments later, snacks and beverages were available as we awaited Circle.

Chipmonk really outdid herself this time with a ginormous meat tower and everyone was welcome to partake in the wonderous spread right away.

BeerMeister brought out the beverages and the revelry commenced. Once everyone had a chance to grab a snack and charge their Vessel, it was time to kick things off and Circle began!

There was no movie set being erected this time, so at least we weren’t dealing with a film crew hovering with equipment cases or ducking under cranes as we sang our most colorful songs mere feet away.… Read More

Hash Trash Aloha H3 # 1748

Labor Day Campout

Hares: Pipe Cleaner, Peter Beater, Hello Shaved Kitty

So, there I was…

At long last, Campout time had finally arrived! We’d just seem the end of one nasty little weather system and another was making its presence known as we made the drive through Waianae. At least the sky was finally clearing as we drove those last few miles.

We were the first to arrive and camp and got right to work pitching a tent. It was erected quickly, much to my satisfaction. Camp was right along the water, separated by a short, rocky path, but at least there were no hills to deal with. We couldn’t have picked a better spot.

It began raining soon after the finished, so the windows were zipped up tight and we had to make the choice between sweltering in the now unbearably hot tent or braving the pelting rain outside. Outside, it was. It wasn’t long after that the sky finally stopped spitting and we were able to enjoy the sunshine and cool ocean breeze.

This time, we were sandwiched between two large groups. The furthest one was a lively group who seemed to really enjoy fishing and very loud music until the wee hours.… Read More

Hash Trash AH3 #1747

The Two Towers Trail (aka) “Buzz Off Hares”

Hares:
Pipe Cleaner
Tummy Sticks
Peter Beater Ant Feeder
ROTC

So, there I was…
From the perspective of the Hare.

Scouting a BEEautiful trail, putting up ribbon the morning of, and partially live laying after getting blown off. We were finally giving the Turkeys a normal trail with fun things to do, places see, and a chance for the Eagles to stretch their legs.

The pack ran around a crowded park with plenty of intersections leading the FRBs down long dead ends. Dollops of flower laid led the way, barely visible on the grass all the way to the dog park for a ROTC BEEr check!

Ribbon was then adopted, leading the pack through tall shiggy, to the abandoned guard towers and repurposed missile bunkers, then over to an emptied water tower giving the pack a chance to to participate in an echo check and shot check manned by Tummy.

As the Eagles and Turkeys split ways, the hash went from good to great. Turkeys lost the marks as the crowd at the park grew and tents were set up over marks and children blended our flour with their chalk drawings.… Read More

Hash Trash AH3 #1746

The Rocks-Off Hash

Hares:
Digging For Love
Tummy Sticks
Peter Beater Ant Feeder
Pipe Cleaner

So, there I was…
From the perspective of the Hare.

There are very few trails that I have felt “scared” on. This was one of them. Thankfully, after doing it enough times (and by enough I mean way too many) I finally got over that fear (mostly), or at the very least (more honestly let’s say) got a lot better at ignoring that voice in my head and wanting to involuntarily pee

The trail began with a shuttle to B, where the hares took the pack up a cliff-face full of shifty volcanic rock and shin high grass just tall enough so you never knew if you were stepping on or in-between a rock. It was a miracle everyone walked away without joining the BOOT BRIGADE, but alas, another week without a serious injury. Thankfully the hares came to their senses and significantly shortened this route a day or two prior to trail.

Finally, once up on the ridge, it was (mostly) smooth sailing and BEER! The turkeys went a ways, did a few makeshift switchbacks down onto flat ground, and made their way through the tall shiggy to the riverbed and finally to another beer check in a culvert before making their way on home!… Read More

Hash Trash AH3 #1745

The Three Dicks Trail

Hares:
Peter Beater Ant Feeder
Dr. Teenee Weenee
Diddy Kong MD

So, there I was…
From the perspective of the Hare.

The day started at 9:30am. The plan – one that we got to “eventually” – was that all three of the Hares would lay Eagle / Super Turkey and then Teenee would break off at the head of the Flume (1st beer check) and go out to lay Turkey.

There had been comments from a previous hash that “it’s not a real hash if there aren’t checks”.. well, the hares listened and delivered. Checks, on checks, on checks.

There were checks on trail where the “fork” converged back together less than 30ft from where it split (yes, each ‘wrong fork’ had a pointless bad-trail mark ) , there were checks with checks right after, and there were even checks on trail where there was no where to go but straight.. All getting the hounds used to going straight.. until of course a real check was laid and going straight let the hounds to a nice little YBF at the bottom of a hill.. or down long pointless paths to no-where.

Eventually the Super Turkeys and Eagles arrived to a split offering an Extra-Credit path to the right and a True-Trail arrow pointing left.… Read More

Hash Trash Aloha H3

BYOE Dicklomat Trail

Hares: International Dicklomat and Peter Beater Ant Feeder

So, there I was…

On this fabulous day, most of the Pack was away at some far off, not-a-real-place location called Volcano, but a handful of loyal Wanks were ready to hit the North Shore! As our tiny group of 11 gathered, we had a chance to meet a few new faces- 3 new Transplants and one Visitor. Our Hares, Dicklomat and Peter Beater, gave a quick Chalk Talk and reminded everyone that it was a BYOE Hash and that they were welcome to bring roadies. Dicklomat also provided pre-game waters to everyone so they’d stay hydrated along the way. We blew the Hares off and the Pack soon followed.

Peter Beater, Taco Tuesday and I Auto-Hashed to his Beer Check, where we set up behind a large tree. As we sat waiting, we had delicious Mai Tais with fresh pineapple and re-applied bug spray every few minutes because those suckers just kept on cumming. Dicklomat mentioned that it may be a couple hours before the pack would make their way to the Beer Check because they’d be spending a lot of time on the sand and along the beach first and he wasn’t wrong.… Read More